Not quite sure how to ask a girl out over text? Going for the date via SMS can be tricky. Ask too soon and you risk scaring her off. But take too long or over do it on the flirty texts and she might lose interest and ghost.
Don’t worry. You’re about to get the expert advice you need to get her to say “yes!” to meeting up in person. (Need advice on how to start a text conversation? Read this first!)
By the end of this article, you will know how to:
- Recognize when she's ready for you to ask her out
- Use the right language in your “ask for a date” text
- Turn a “no” or a “maybe” into a “yes”
- Follow up to reduce the chance she flakes on you
First, let's talk about the timing.
Recognize When The Time Is Right To Ask Her Out
Chances are she wants to meet you, so here is a good rule of thumb for texting girls.
The best time to ask her out over text is after each of you have messaged the other 3 or 4 times.
If you did things right on the dating app, that’s all it takes to reignite her attraction and make her feel ready to meet you.
That’s just a guideline, though. There’s no hard and fast rule, you just need to know how to keep a girl interested while texting. Since you can't rely on body language or any other visual cues, you need to read the signals she's giving off in her texts.
That's vital, because each message exchange is different. And as you likely already know, tone can be easily misunderstood in a text.
But here are some generally reliable signs that she'd be receptive to talking in person:
Asking A Girl Out Over Text – The Right Way
You could just abruptly “Want to for a date?” while you're , but that's the textual equivalent of passing her in the hall and blurting out “Want to go to prom with me?”
Sure – you posed the question. But you could have been so much more suave about it.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is move the text conversation in the right direction before suggesting meeting up.
Get her in the right mindset by saying something like “So what kind of trouble are you getting into this weekend?” or “Got any plans cooking up for later this week?”
If it sounds like she has a jam-packed schedule already, you’ll probably either want to temporarily hold off on suggesting getting together or see if she’s down to meet up the following week.
On the other hand, if she’s “not sure yet” or just talks about her plans for Saturday, go for the close.
You may want to comment on something she wrote before going right for it, but here are 3 “how to ask a girl out over text” examples you can send when the time is right:
Text Message Example #1:
Text Message Example #2:
Text Message Example #3:
If you want to go straight for it without feeling her schedule out first, texts along these lines work well too.
Text Message Example #4:
Text Message Example #5:
Text Message Example #6:
Fun and flirty text messages work great when you're trying to build up some attraction, but you don't want to accidentally blow it when you're *this close*.
Don’t Forget To Follow Up
You’ve just gotten some great examples of how to ask a girl on a date over text – but your job isn’t done quite yet.
Make your date confirmation text a confident statement assuming your date is still on. If you phrase it as a question, you're handing her an avenue to cancel it.
How To Handle A Negative Response
Let's say she’s giving you signs she’s not totally feeling it (i.e. 1 or 2 word replies or 24+ hour response time), or when you do ask her out over text she responds with a “no” or a “maybe.”
Here are 4 texting tips to get the text conversation headed in the right direction:
- Ask her about something she enjoys. For instance, mentioning her pets works like a charm. A message like “I forgot to ask about that cute pooch in your photo. If I give you a quick call, can you put me on the phone with him/her?” usually revives the text exchange.
- Mirror her texting style. For instance, if she uses acronyms like “lol” and “wyd”, do the same. It’s a subtle change, but effective because studies have shown people feel more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves.
- Make her smile. For the majority of women, a sense of humor is a must-have in a potential partner, so if you’re not getting a reply, try sending a funny text like this: “Hey, are you OK? I hope you haven't been kidnapped. If you have, put up a smoke signal so I can put on my cape & tights and come to the rescue!”
- Avoid ending your sentences with a period. Studies show ending sentences, especially short ones, with a period is perceived as insincere and unfriendly when it comes to text messages. Either drop the period, or use other punctuation marks or emojis instead.
These texting tips will help you focus on increasing the trust and attraction that's building between the two of you. Once you see stronger indications that she's into meeting up, ask her out again.
If She Doesn’t Say Yes…
All is not lost. If you get an uncertain answer like “I’m not sure”, pivot the conversation in a different direction.
If she doesn’t reply at all, follow up your “ask for the date” text with a light-hearted text message like this:
Use the texting tips to continue your conversation. But once 2 or 3 messages have gone unanswered, it’s time to write her off and move on.
How To Skip Straight To The Date
Knowing what to text and when to text it takes practice. If you’ve ever found yourself wishing you could skip all that texting and just show up for the date, you’re in luck. VIDA makes it possible.
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