Tired of a POF inbox that looks like this?
It’s not her – it’s you. More specifically, your opening lines.
The hotter she is, the more message she gets – that’s a scientific fact, right up there with Murphy’s Law. If your go-to POF opener is boring, lame, or totally forgettable, it doesn’t stand a chance out in the wild.
And yet, most guys default to “Hey”, “Hi there”, and her absolute favorite, “hey ur hot”.
Those little tidbits of literary gold are why men have to send out 114 messages just to be 99% certain of getting 1 response, and the average guy has to spend 6.7 hours a week cranking out message after message.
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Just like a stopped clock is right twice a day, you’ll get an occasional response to your “Hey baby, wussup?” But the conversation probably won’t lead to a date, or even a phone number. The pressure’s on to overcome the first impression your lackluster opener made, so you’re already behind the 8 ball.
No wonder modern dating is exhausting. In fact, it’s so exhausting and frustrating that many men have turned to hiring a virtual dating assistant to handle all the messaging for them. They just want to skip all that pesky online wooing and show up for the dates.
But if you’re more of the DIY type and enjoy a challenge, here it is: stop sending out openers that suck. To get you going in the right direction, we’ve got 5 POF openers that get responses, complete with Cliff notes so you can try your hand at creating your own.
Make her hungry for more.
This message works on multiple levels:
- It pays her a light compliment that’s not based on her physical appearance.
- It uses attention-catching, delicious sounding words that make her want to keep reading.
- It mentions food, which Hinge discovered women love to talk about in dating messages.
Be irresistible – through the magic of science.
Here’s some good news for those of us who aren’t killing it in the looks department – having a sense of humor is hot. It’s true – researchers have found women are biologically hard-wired to fall for the funny guy.
Not only does this message showcase your sexy sense of humor, it does one more thing she’ll appreciate. It gives her a chance to talk about herself – and scientists have found that makes people happy. Basically the above message is a 1-2 punch that science says she’ll find irresistible.
There’s no denying it – when it comes to boosting your response rate, science is your friend. Kind of makes you wish you didn’t doze through that psychology class, huh. Here’s what you missed: the Rule of Connectivity.
That’s just a fancy way of saying that if you can create an instant bond or connection with a woman, she’s instantly more comfortable with you. A recent POF survey confirmed it – messages that referred to a shared experience or interest had a 60% response rate.
So come right out of the gate with a trait the two of you share:
The best part is you don’t even have to read her profile for a message like the one above to work. Most any woman is going to say she’s got a sense of adventure; it’s an online dating universal, right up there with “I love travel”.
If you happen to notice you’ve got a hobby in common with a woman who intrigues you, pounce on it. As time goes on, you can amass a collection of icebreakers written around hobbies you’d like to share with your ideal match.
Use them as appropriate, like this message for women who enjoy skiing:
And this message for all those travel-loving women out there:
Mind your Cs & Vs.
These 5 proven POF openers will get responses. We know, because we’ve used them for our clients here at VIDA. But before you go crazy with ctrl-C & ctrl-V, one word of warning – as much as we believe in the power of copy and paste messages, POF dislikes them.
If you send the same word-for-word message to multiple women, chances are POF will ghost your messages or shut down your account. But as with anything on the Internet, there’s a way around that. Just change a few letters here and there, and you’re golden.
If you’re in the mood to unleash your inner Shakespeare, you can try crafting your own icebreaker messages, using the ones above for inspiration. For an opener to be successful, it needs to check these three boxes:
Shows your creative side. High quality women get a TON of messages every day. If you don’t distinguish yourself from the masses, you probably won’t get a response.
Piques her curiosity. The first sentence needs to grab her attention, and every sentence after that needs to hold it. Missing this element is one of the (many) reasons why messages like “hey” fail so hard. If your message doesn’t make her want to know more about you, why would she bother responding?
Asks her a question. Such a basic thing, and yet so many guys don’t do it. Control the conversation. It’s an alpha male move she’ll appreciate because answering a question is easier than coming up with a response to “hi there”. And if it’s not easy to respond, she probably won’t. Open ended questions work better than yes/no ones, as they tend to invite more positive responses.
Hitting those three marks in an engaging way is easier said than done, but avoiding these icebreaker DON’Ts will help you create some winners:
- Compliment her looks. Her inbox is crammed full of guys trying to impress her by telling her how beautiful she is. Remember, the whole point is to prove you’re different than those losers. Try casually complimenting a non-tangible quality, like her personality, intelligence or cooking skills. “You seem more 3-dimensional than the other women on this site” is a refreshing change from the “Hey baby, nice a$$” messages she’s used to receiving.
- Try to move things offline right away. Proposing a date in the first message rarely works. You need to build trust and attraction first, which takes time. We’ve analyzed thousands of conversations that led to dates for our clients, and have found the optimal time to ask her out is after she’s sent 2 or 3 messages. That’s just a guideline, you’ll need to decide based on the conversation whether or not the time is ripe to suggest a date.
- Be long winded. Chances are good she’s doing something else while reading your message, whether it’s pretending to pay attention in a meeting or texting her BFF while surfing POF. She’s probably not interested in reading a solid wall of text. Keep your message entertaining and short, and she’s much more likely to reply.
- Forget to proofread. Spelling, grammar, punctuation – all of it matters. In fact, the majority of women reported in a POF survey that misspelled words and poor grammar turned them off. You know what they say about first impressions… don’t screw yours up.
Once you’ve written a few opening lines, make sure to keep track of the results. You don’t want to waste time by continuing to send a dud. Keep the POF openers with the highest response rate, and your inbox will fill up in no time.
Of course, compared to what’s next, getting that first response is the easy part. Now you’ve got to keep the conversation going and ask her for a date without accidentally offending her, turning her off, or getting your profile deleted.
Why put yourself through all that stress when you could have a virtual dating assistant handle everything for you? The only thing you have to worry about is looking good for all those dates. Click here to find out more!