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When Should You Ask A Girl Out Online? [Our Secret Formula]

Feeling frustrated because too many promising message exchanges are fizzling out and leaving you feeling rejected? Chances are you’re asking her out at the wrong time.

Try to move things off the app or site too soon, and you risk scaring her off. But stall too long and she’ll probably ghost in favor of a guy who isn’t afraid to go for it. She’s not going to wait forever for you to man up and ask her out! .

So when’s the best time to ask a girl out online?

You’re about to learn. At VIDA, we know a thing or two about how to ask a girl out online - we’ve been scoring tons of digits & dates with high quality, intriguing women for our clients since 2009. We track all our data meticulously, so we know what works (and what doesn’t).

These 3 tips on how to ask a girl to meet up with you for the first time will double your acceptance rate instantly!

#1 Recognize When The Time Is Ripe

Knowing exactly how and when to ask a woman out on a date is critical. She’s on Tinder and OkCupid for a reason, and it’s not to find a new penpal. But she probably won’t agree to meet a total stranger, or share her phone number, until she feels comfortable with you.

Our internal data revealed that the golden moment usually comes after you’ve received around 10 messages on a dating app, and 2 to 3 messages on a dating site.

These aren’t hard and fast numbers, of course. Every message exchange has its own pace and nuances. But that’s a general guideline for how long it takes to build up enough rapport and attraction for her to accept your offer.

Sometimes you’ll get lucky, and she’ll be so drawn to your epic profile and photos that she’ll say something in her very first message that makes it obvious she’s ready to meet you. Then you can throw the guidelines to the wind and ask her out right away.

But maybe reading the signs isn’t your strong suit. Good thing we’ve got a “Is she ready for me to ask her out” checklist right here:

green check mark She’s actively contributing to the conversation. If her messages are on the long(ish) side, that’s a positive sign she’s buying what you’re selling.
green check mark She’s curious about you. Asking questions = wanting to know more about you, and that means she’s intrigued.
green check mark Her messages are enthusiastic. Emojis, exclamation points, and lols are the online equivalent of laughing at your jokes and batting her eyes. Emojis, exclamation points, and lols are the online equivalent of laughing at your jokes and batting her eyes.
red x She’s only replying with one or two words. This is the equivalent of elevator small talk - she’s being polite, but just barely.
red x It takes her a long time to respond. This is especially true on a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, where message exchanges are typically more fast paced. If she’s taking days to reply, you’re headed down a lonely road.
red x Her replies seem guarded or hesitant. If she seems reluctant to share anything about herself, you need to work harder on building trust.

Is your convo in the green? Congrats - proceed directly to tip #3 and learn exactly how to ask her out. But if you’re firmly in the red, this next tip is for you.

#2 Take These Steps To Quickly Build Trust & Attraction

You have a narrow opportunity to turn the tide before she moves on. Here are some simple ways to get the conversation back on track:

  • Mirror her messaging style. People typically feel more comfortable around those who remind them of themselves, so do things like mimic her greeting, message length, and messaging style. For instance, if she’s starts with “Hey, John,” open your next message with “Hey, Jennifer.”
  • Use her first name. Dale Carnegie said it best - a person’s name is the sweetest sound they can hear. Create an emotional bond by using hers - and if you don’t know it, ask.
  • Ask her a question in every message. You need to accomplish two things with every single message you send:
    1. Stay in charge of the conversation
    2. Make it easy for her to respond.

Asking her a question accomplishes both in one fell swoop. And here’s an added benefit - people love to talk about themselves. It literally makes her feel good, and you want her to associate that warm and fuzzy feeling with messaging you.

#3 Ask Her Out With Confidence

Most women are attracted to confident men, so the last thing you want to project is insecurity when you’re asking for the date.

Saying something insecure (and sad sack pathetic) like “You’re probably not into guys like me, but I thought I’d take a shot and see if you want to meet sometime…” is the kiss of death.

Here are some sure-fire ways to boost the odds she’ll say “Yes” to a date:

  • Start with a statement you KNOW she’ll agree with. On a dating site like or OkCupid, you can say something like, “I’ve found that it’s impossible to predict chemistry online, even if you exchange endless back-and-forth messages… how about we grab coffee or cocktails sometime soon?” On an app like Tinder or Bumble, you’ll probably want to go with as shorter, more playful version like: “Let's meet for coffee or drinks sometime. Talk, like real people 😉 Thoughts?” By saying things you KNOW she’ll agree with, you get small yeses that help lead to the bigger yes.
  • Give her options. Our internal data proves your acceptance rate doubles when she can choose between two activities like coffee or drinks. Never just propose meeting for drinks - that will slash your acceptance rate in half.
  • Start with “low-investment” activities. A cup of coffee or a glass of wine isn’t a huge time sink for her, so she’s more likely to agree to it. You can always extend the date if things are looking promising.

When she agrees to meet up, suggest a time and date. If you leave it open for her decide, that implies you can meet her whenever she wants. You want to make yourself look like an in-demand kind of guy, so say something like “Great, how about meeting Wednesday after work, or Sunday afternoon?

It’s also a good idea to suggest a phone number swap, just in case something comes up at the last minute. Hard to argue with that logic, and it’s less likely she’ll flake if you have her number. Plus, if the date’s a few days out, it’s always a good idea to confirm again 24 hours or less before the meetup, just to ensure it’s still on.

The Easiest Way To Find Your Ideal Partner

Turning a message exchange into a date - especially with the kind of women all the guys want to meet - takes time, not to mention a lot of practice. You need to figure out what approach works for you, and what doesn’t. It will take some trial and error, but hopefully you’ll figure it out and meet someone special.

But what if you could skip the hard part and just meet high quality women right now?

With VIDA, you can. Our team of online dating experts handles everything from profile writing to messaging, and we’ll schedule dates with the kind of high quality women you deserve to date. All you have to do is show up.

If you’re ready to take the frustration out of dating and get real results, click here!

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