đĄ Key Insights: * When setting up dating profiles during separation, carefully consider how to present your relationship statusâmany women filter out "separated" men, so using "single" or "divorced" may be more strategic once the paperwork is nearly finalized. * Be honest about having children in your profile, but limit mentions to once or twice and include at most one photo with them. * Focus on major dating platforms (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid, POF) rather than niche sites to maximize your potential match pool. * Your primary photo should follow science-backed guidelines: feature only you, be cropped to headshot proportions, have high contrast with the background, and show direct eye contact. * Never badmouth your ex or previous relationship in your profile, as this signals you haven't moved on Navigating the dating scene during separation presents unique challenges, especially when the divorce process drags on due to property division or custody arrangements. While you know your relationship is definitively over and you're ready to meet someone new, presenting yourself effectively in the digital dating world requires strategic thinking. Whether you've been off the market for years and feel rusty, or you're encountering dating apps for the first time, these essential tips will help you create compelling profiles that attract quality matchesâwithout unnecessarily limiting your options or misrepresenting your situation. TIP #1: ASK YOURSELF IF YOUâRE READY Before you download that dating app or let your friend set you up, take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you truly ready to date, or are you just trying to escape the pain of your separation? It's completely normal to feel lonely after a split, but using dating as a distraction often leads to messy situations and hurt feelings â yours included. Ask yourself some tough questions: * Can you talk about your separation without getting emotional? * Have you processed the major lessons from your marriage? * Are you dating because you want to, not because you need validation or companionship? Be honest about whether you're still comparing everyone to your ex or hoping for reconciliation. Remember that emotional baggage doesn't automatically disappear once legal papers are filed. Many therapists suggest waiting until you feel content with your solo life before adding someone new to the mix. This doesn't mean you need to have everything figured out, but you should be stable enough that a dating rejection won't send you spiraling. Trust your gut here. If the thought of dating makes you feel anxious rather than excited, it might be a sign to give yourself more time to heal. If you decide you are ready⊠TIP #2: THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE THOSE TWO ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM When youâre setting up your profile, youâll come across two tricky questions: âRelationship statusâ and children. WHAT RELATIONSHIP STATUS TO CHOOSE Separated is a loaded word. You know itâs over, but your potential matches may think youâre packing some heavy baggage. Including the fact that you technically still have a spouse. Many women take the extra step of filtering out men who are separated when searching for matches. So selecting it as your relationship status may drastically limit your options. Other sites don't give you many options at all. For instance, on OkCupid your choices are Single, Seeing Someone, or Married. "Married" is technically correct, but will likely keep you out of most search results. On Match, âSeparatedâ is accurate, but thatâs another relationship status many if not most women actively filter out. Given that 40-50% of married couples in the US end up divorcing [https://www.modernfamilylaw.com/resources/top-10-divorce-statistics-you-need-to-know/], itâs pretty common to meet people with a previous marriage (or two) under their belts. If all thatâs pending in your divorce is a few more meetings between the lawyers before the judge signs off, go ahead and check single or divorced, depending on your options. Later on, after you and your match have been on a few dates and built up some attraction, you can always fill her in. By then sheâll have realized that youâve truly moved on, and itâs just a matter of time until the divorce process is completed. But if you feel like thatâs an ethically gray area for you, opt for a site where âseparatedâ isnât an option. That leaves âdivorcedâ or "single" as the most accurate description for your current situation. That takes care of the first elephant in the room - now letâs talk about the second one. SHOULD YOU MENTION YOUR KIDS? Having kids is on the list of things you really shouldnât lie about in a dating profile. (Here is when it's okay to fudge a little [/should-i-lie-in-my-online-dating-profile/]!) So when youâre creating your profile, if youâve got âem, check the box. That may mean women who want to date men without kids will skip your profile, but thatâs not actually a bad thing. Why expend time and energy matching and messaging with someone itâs not going to work out with anyway? That being said, thereâs a fine line between giving her the impression youâre a great dad in your profile and making her wonder if both you and your kids will show up on the first date. Limit the kid mentions to once or twice in the body of your profile, and maybe include a photo of you having fun with them. Definitely donât make them the star. TIP #3: START LOOKING FOR LOVE (OR WHATEVER) IN THE RIGHT PLACES The number of online dating sites and apps have exploded in the last few years, which may leave you overwhelmed with choices. Fitness Singles [https://www.fitness-singles.com/] because you enjoy running, Stir [/stir-dating-app-reviews/] because you're a single parent now, or Farmerâs Only [/farmers-only-reviews/] because youâve always been secretly attracted to country girls? Itâs easy to get distracted by niche dating sites. But youâre actually much better off sticking with the biggest names in online dating: * Tinder [/tinder-guide/] * Bumble [/bumble-guide/] * Hinge [/hinge-guide/] * Match [/match-mobile/] * OkCupid [/okcupid-review/] * Plenty Of Fish [/pof-review/] (POF) Those are the places where youâll have access to the most possible matches, and you can always screen for common interests from there. OUT OF ALL THOSE DATING APPS, START WITH... Tinder. Itâs a must for guys who are dating while separated. Itâs still one of the top two dating apps [https://www.statista.com/chart/24404/most-popular-dating-apps-us/#:~:text=Bumble%20and%20Tinder%20are%20the,dating%20and%20matchmaking%20services%20offline.&text=This%20chart%20shows%20the%20most%20popular%20dating%20apps%20among%20U.S.%20users.] in the country, alongside Bumble. And youâll find local singles looking for an entire spectrum of relationships on it, from hookups to marriage. No matter where on that dating continuum you fall, the sheer number of potential matches makes it the perfect place to get your dating feet wet. Match and Hinge are good bets if youâre ready for something on the more serious end of the relationship spectrum. On Match, messaging requires a paid subscription, so you wonât come across as many fake profiles or women who arenât serious about moving things off the site. Hinge requires a complete profile to exchange messages, and their marketing is aimed squarely at singles looking for something serious. Bumble is a popular app, and women send the icebreakers. That's a nice twist, because it generally means if she's messaging you, she's interested. OkCupid and POF are arguably two of the best free dating sites [/the-4-best-free-online-dating-sites/], so theyâre immensely popular. Youâll have no problem finding plenty of intriguing local women to message. But âfreeâ is a double-edged sword, as the percentage of fakes and flakes is much higher than on Match. Want more expert guidance? Learn how to choose the best dating site [/best-dating-sites/] for you! TIP #4: NAIL THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE Yup, your photos. And grabbing them off Facebook and obviously cropping your ex out isnât going to cut it. If you donât have many pics to choose from, ask a buddy with a good camera to snap a few of you in interesting outdoor places, like a cafe, park, or beach. Hiring a pro photographer is also an option, although you want to choose one that specializes in natural looking candids. No matter which dating site or app you end up using, youâll want to select 3-7 strong photos to use in your lineup. Youâll often have the ability to upload far more than that, but resist the urge. She can swipe left at any time, so all it takes is one terrible photo to torpedo your chances. Finding more than 7 photos where you look equally attractive is tough for just about anyone. Your primary photo [/profile-pic/] is key, as thatâs often the one that determines whether she swipes east or west. Follow these simple primary photo rules and you should be golden. These 4 profile pic tips were determined by scientists [https://imotions.com/blog/science-tinder-case-study/], so you know theyâre legit: #1: BE THE ONLY ONE IN IT Group photos are great for âprovingâ youâve got an active, fun social life. But she doesnât want to guess which guy you are, and you donât want to risk her feeling disappointed when she figures it out. #2: CROP IT TO TRADITIONAL "HEADSHOT" PROPORTIONS Chest and up is perfect. The brain naturally prefers images that are easy to interpret, and it doesnât get much simpler than this. #3: DIAL UP THE CONTRAST Donât risk fading into the background. If you âpopâ from your surroundings, you stand a better chance of holding her attention. #4: DON'T BLOCK YOUR EYE CONTACT No sunglasses or hats allowed when it comes to your primary photo - and choose one where youâre looking at the camera. Hereâs what it looks like when a photo follows all the rules: Check out these expert online dating photo tips [/online-dating-photo-tips-for-guys/] that will increase your chances of getting better matches! TIP #5: WRITE A DATING PROFILE THAT GETS HER HOOKED Depending on what site or app youâre using, the length of your profile will vary. But the intent is the same - catch her attention, keep it, and leave her wanting to know more about you. If your profile can accomplish those 3 things, youâre that much closer to scoring a date. Keep these 5 dating profile âDoâsâ to keep in mind, no matter what site or app youâre using: #1: TELL A STORY Whether thatâs through humorous anecdotes or descriptive language, resist the urge to describe yourself using a string of boring adjectives. If she can feel a personal connection with you after reading your profile, sheâs much more likely to reply to your message - or even reach out first. #2: INCLUDE A BIT ABOUT WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN YOUâRE LOOKING FOR A profile thatâs 100% about you isnât doing you any favors. Instead, make it 70% about you, 30% about her - thatâs the most attractive ratio [http://ebm.bmj.com/content/early/2015/02/09/ebmed-2014-110101.full#ref-26]. #3: MENTION YOUR CAREER Even if youâre not looking for the next Mrs. Right, having a good job and a solid future is a point in your favor. For instance, 73% of women on Tinder [https://digital.library.txstate.edu/bitstream/handle/10877/5529/JAMES-THESIS-2015.pdf?sequence=1] are looking for a smart guy with a good job. #4: LET THE âREAL YOUâ SHINE She wants to know specifics, because those make you seem like a genuine, authentic person. Mention your hobbies, your pets, what you like to do on a Friday night - all those details paint an attractive picture of what a fun guy you are to spend time with. Work in some humor if you can - a whopping 97% of single women think a sense of humor is hot. #5: MIND YOUR GRAMMAR Your mom was right, women really do judge you [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886918306512] on it. Both your phone and your laptop have spell check, so no excuses. In fact, 58% of singles surveyed [https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-study-reveals-great-conversation--grammar-are-the-sexiest--most-sought-after-elements-in-dating-300634584.html] said bad grammar was worse than bad sex! Of course, any good âDoâsâ list has some corresponding âDonâtsâ: #1: DON'T BADMOUTH YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP (NO MATTER HOW BAD IT WAS) The only thing youâre doing by making your ex look bad is making yourself look worse. Bringing it up in your profile will also make her suspect you're not over it yet. #2: DON'T LOSE YOUR CONFIDENCE Even if youâre not sure youâre ready to be back on the market, donât advertise it in your profile. Projecting confidence is attractive - insecurity is not. She doesnât want a fixer upper, she wants a fun positive date for Saturday night. #3: DON'T SKIP YOUR BIO ENTIRELY Filling out the "About Me" on an app like Tinder nets you 4x the matches [http://arxiv.org/pdf/1607.01952v1.pdf]. If you need some inspiration to get you started, check out these irresistible dating profile examples [/10-irresistible-dating-profile-examples-for-men/] you can use on any site or app. TIP #6: SEND HER THE RIGHT MESSAGE All thatâs left now is starting an online dating conversation! Which, for some guys, is the biggest in a long line of hurdles. The problem is this: the more attractive the woman, the more sheâs bombarded [https://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/] on the daily with messages from guys just like you. If you want to be among the chosen few who get a reply, catching her eye is essential. Here are the 3 keys to a successful dating message, and none of them are optional: * Be creative. * Keep it classy. * Pose a question. âCreativeâ has a pretty broad definition, which works in your favor. Her inbox is crammed with boring messages that fall completely flat. Think âhey thereâ and the like. Not only are those lame icebreakers, theyâre also difficult to respond to. Put yourself in her shoes - maybe sheâs checking Tinder between meetings, or after a long day at the office. A message like âheyâ effectively puts the burden of starting an interesting conversation squarely on her shoulders - and thatâs work. So she skips it. By contrast, a message like this is actually fun to answer, so she probably will: You asked her a question, so youâre taking charge of the conversation. All she has to do is reply. See how much easier that makes it on her end? Make sure to steer clear of her physical appearance - for instance you may think asking her if she could get any hotter is a creative question, but itâs likely not going to work. Attractive women donât need you to remind them theyâre hot, and those kinds of messages get old quick. Want to learn how to save a ton of time and frustration by using copy and paste messages without getting called on it? Check out this messaging strategy guide [/do-cut-paste-dating-messages-really-work/]! TIP #7: HAVING âTHE TALKâ Let's face it â telling someone you're dating that you're technically still married isn't exactly a conversation starter. But here's the truth: transparency builds trust, and you want to start any potential relationship on solid ground. So if this wasnât an option on the dating app, whatâs the best way to handle it? Timing matters here. Bringing up your separation too early (like in your first message) might make it seem like your entire identity revolves around your divorce. Wait too long, and it feels like you're hiding something important. The sweet spot? Usually around the second or third date, when there's genuine interest but before things get serious. When the moment feels right, keep it simple and direct: "I want to be upfront with you about something important. I'm separated and in the process of divorcing." Then briefly explain your situation without oversharing about your ex. Pay attention to their reaction â are they asking thoughtful questions or suddenly checking their watch? Remember that some people may need time to process this information, while others might have dated separated people before and take it in stride. The right person will appreciate your honesty and be willing to understand your journey. NOW YOUâVE GOT SOME SOLID DATING STRATEGIES, BUT... That doesnât mean itâs going to be easy - especially when you're dating while separated. Some studies show that, on average, singles spend about 51 minutes per day [https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/]on dating apps, which adds up to almost 6 hours every week. If youâre not getting the results you want, that kind of time commitment can get pretty frustrating. But you have to put in the hours, because 67% of online daters are guys [https://www.statista.com/forecasts/1358191/us-online-dating-users-by-gender], so competition for the highest quality local singles is fierce. 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