💡 Key Insights: Sharing a phone number requires trust—most women have experienced unwanted contact and won't give their number without feeling comfortable Building attraction before asking is essential, which includes projecting confidence without crossing into arrogance Control the conversation flow by asking questions in every message while avoiding excessive compliments Mirror her communication style (greeting format, message length, emoji usage) to create comfort through similarity Look for signs she's ready to share her number: asking personal questions, responding quickly, and showing curiosity about you The optimal timing is typically after 2-4 messages on dating sites like Match or OkCupid, slightly more on apps like Tinder Use psychology when asking—start with a statement she'll likely agree with before requesting her number, as agreement begets agreement Contact her within 24-48 hours of receiving her number to maintain momentum Consider her age when deciding between texting (preferred by younger women) and calling (often better for women over late 30s) Always reference which dating site you met on when first texting, as she's likely messaging with multiple people You've done the hard part—created a compelling profile, selected strong photos, and crafted messages that actually got responses from attractive women. But now comes the crucial transition that derails many promising connections: moving the conversation from the dating platform to direct contact. Ask too soon or phrase it awkwardly, and she might ghost. Wait too long, and she'll lose interest or connect with someone more decisive. Table of ContentsStep 1: Take The Time To Build AttractionStep 2: Make Sure She’s Into YouStep 3: Suggest Taking Things Offline In The Right Way Based on thousands of successful transitions we've managed since 2009, this three-step guide reveals exactly when and how to ask for her number without seeming desperate, pushy, or unprepared for the next step. Just leaked: The 9-word opener that's getting responses from 81% of matches within 1 hour [Download the line outperforming everything we've ever seen.] {banner2:the-subtle-shift-technique} Step 1: Take The Time To Build AttractionSharing her cell phone number requires a certain level of trust. Most single women have at least one stalker they’ve had to go out of their way to block, so she’s not going to give up those digits to just anyone who asks. You’ve got to build attraction first, so she feels comfortable taking the next step. Confident males are attractive, so make sure your messages give off an alpha vibe. Make her feel like you’re the prize she needs to pursue, not the other way around. Confidence is sexy, but keep in mind confidence can cross the line into arrogance if you’re not subtle about it. Arrogance isn’t hot. One way to embrace the strong, confident male persona is to control the conversation. Make sure you ask her a question in every message. Not only does asking a question make it easy for her to respond, it also allows you to keep the conversation flowing in the direction you want it to go. One mistake many guys make is being overly complimentary. Telling her how pretty she is doesn’t impress her; her inbox is full of compliments like that. Not only has she heard it all before, but it also makes you sound like a beta male desperate for her approval. Another way to build attraction in your message exchange is to to mirror the way she communicates. It’s all based on a principle called the “Rule of Connectivity”, which in essence means that women feel more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves. So how do you use human nature to your advantage? It’s easy. Take every opportunity you can to subtly mimic her messaging style. If she greets you with a “Hey, John”, respond with a “Hey, Kim”. If she signs off with a smiley, do the same. Most importantly, mirror her message length. So if she writes three or four sentences, do the same. Here’s why it’s crucial. If you write a few paragraphs in response to her one short sentence, you look over-invested, like you’re the one who’s trying to impress her. And if you write too little in response to her mini-novel, then you look like you’re blowing her off, which is not the way to her heart. {banner1:let-us-plan-your-last-first-date} Step 2: Make Sure She’s Into YouAs you exchange messages, you should instinctively get a sense for when she’s starting to “feel” you. In our experience, on a dating site like Match.com or OkCupid, it’s usually after she’s sent you 2 to 4 messages. It will be a handful more if you’re on an app like Tinder. But sometimes it’s hard to trust your instincts, especially if you’ve been ghosted in the past. Or maybe you’re just one of those guys who needs things spelled out. That’s okay, that’s why we’re here. Check out these top 3 signs she’s ready to give you her number: Step 3: Suggest Taking Things Offline In The Right WayYou’ve built up attraction and trust through your messages, and you’re starting to see the fruits of your labor. Once you’ve got her hooked, strike while the iron is hot. Studies have shown that you should move things offline as quickly as is feasible, something comedian and modern dating expert Aziz Ansari agreed is important. “If you’re still trading endless back and forth messages online, you’re just wasting time. Have faith in your ability to size someone up in person.” And that’s assuming she’s willing to trade endless messages. Remember, if she’s attractive, then a lot of guys are vying for attention. Chances are she’ll move on quickly if you don’t man up. When you ask for her number, you have to do it in an attractive way. “Hey baby wuts ur #” isn’t going to fly with the type of high-quality women you want to date. Here’s where the psychology comes in. Before you ask her for her number, preface the question by making a statement you already know she’ll agree with. Something like, “I’ve found the best way to get to know someone is by having an actual conversation.” Research has found that if she’s in agreement with one thing, she’s more likely to say yes again. Get her in an agreeable frame of mind, and she’ll be much more apt to give you her number. Here’s an example of a message that works well: Once you’ve got her number, use it. Of course, you don’t want to call or text her within three seconds of receiving the message - that reeks of desperation. But later that night or the next day is fine. As long as it’s within 24 hours (48 max), you’re golden. If she’s in her 20s, texting is the way to go as it’s officially the preferred form of communication for millennials. Check out these tips on how to start a text conversation with a girl, but basically it comes down to this: you want to control the conversation, and make it easy for her to respond. Here’s an easy way to do it. Introduce yourself, but don’t just be all, “hey it’s Justin”. Chances are she won’t link your name with your messages, so specify which Justin you are. Then ask her a question, just like you would in an online conversation. For example: If she’s in her late 30s or older, calling might be a better option since she’s not part of the generation who was basically born texting. Besides, having a “real” conversation will give you a much better indication of her true personality. Just make sure you have something to talk about - give yourself a quick refresher on her profile before you call so there’s no awkward silence on the line. Remember - your end goal is to arrange a face to face meeting, so lead the conversation in that direction. There you have it - how to ask for her number online in 3 easy steps. But there is a way to skip straight to the date - no tedious back and forth messaging, no wondering whether or not *right now* is the best time to ask for digits. When you hire a virtual dating assistant, you get to bypass all the hard work and just show up for all the dates. We’ll ask women for their numbers and even set up your dates for you. It literally couldn’t be easier! Intrigued? Click here to find out how VIDA can get you out on a date with your dream girl by next weekend. {banner3:the-right-person-changes-everything-inline}
