Tired of not getting responses to the first message you send on dating sites and apps? Don't fret - all that's about to change. VIDA Select's team of dating experts has sent hundreds of thousands of messages on dating sites and apps. We've been representing clients online since 2009, and we analyze everything. 💡 Key Takeaways: * Timing and structure drive message success - send first messages between 8-10pm on weekdays when activity peaks, and engagement increases up to 47% during bad weather * Response rates follow clear patterns - 57% of Tinder conversations never progress past the first message, and men need to send 114 messages on average for a 99% chance of one reply * Effective messages share three core elements - they spark curiosity, differentiate from competition, and include an easy-to-answer question * Copy/paste strategy optimizes results - using tested templates is more effective than customizing each message, and saves a ton of time * Message content influences response rates - women are 40% more likely to reply to food-related messages, and 71% are turned off by grammar mistakes * Follow-up strategy matters - one light-hearted second attempt is acceptable, but multiple messages appear desperate and reduce response chances The online dating first message examples you're about to get are tested, tried & true, based on our hands-on experience. Whether it’s Match.com [/match-reviews/], OkCupid [/okcupid-review/], POF [/pof-review/], Tinder [/top-10-tinder-tricks-and-tips/], or Hinge [/hinge-conversation/], sending that perfect first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating. Especially when it happens over and over. That’s a big reason why many online daters give up entirely within just a few months. But don’t throw in the towel just yet - we’ve got 11 online dating first message examples that work like magic to get responses, and you can use them today! Tested across 30,000 daily messages: This single opening line is generating a 91% response rate from high-quality matches. Our clients are booking 3x more dates using just these 7 words. Steal it now (FREE download). Not only will you get proven-to-work examples you can use right now, you’ll also get the online dating message tips you need to come up with your own unique conversation starters [/tinder-conversation-starters/] - and the best times to send them. ONLINE DATING FIRST MESSAGES The first message you send on a dating app will make or break the conversation, so it's crucial that you make a good impression. Start by addressing the person by their name, and if you've got the time to read each profile carefully, mention something specific that caught your attention. This shows you've taken the time to read their profile and are genuinely interested in getting to know them. Most importantly, re-read your message for grammar and spelling mistakes before you press send. Studies have found that bad grammar can be the ultimate turn-off for 71% of online daters [https://www.news24.com/life/relationships/dating/2-in-3-daters-are-turned-off-by-poor-grammar-survey-20240113]. In this era of shortened attention spans, keep your initial message short and sweet. A simple message with a clear call-to-action like asking a question will encourage a response. Remember to be authentic and show your personality, and you'll be well on your way to a successful first message. Now, let's say you don't have the time or the inclination to carefully read each person's profile. That's when these first message examples and strategies are going to come in handy, because they seem like you did. FIRST MESSAGE STRATEGY: GO FOR LAUGHS Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. It’s true - scientists have proven [https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/humor-sapiens/201105/laughing-all-the-way-the-bedroom] it. But the key to having a successful opening message, of course, is actually being funny. On Tinder [/tinder-guide/], you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous opening line... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #1: This was written by one of the dating experts at VIDA Select. Talk to a dating expert now! [https://qualify.vidaselect.com/] FIRST MESSAGE STRATEGY: CONNECT ON COMMON GROUND On a dating site like Match [/ultimate-guide-to-match/] or POF [/pof-advanced-search-url/], you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #2: Finding common ground [http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/laws_persuasion/chap5.html] is a pro move, because if you can make her think the two of you are similar she’s more likely to respond. Women are simply more comfortable [http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/laws_persuasion/chap5.html] around people who remind them of themselves. Which brings us to our next examples of opening lines... Travel makes an awesome subject for a conversation starter because it’s something most women enjoy doing, or at least enjoy dreaming about. MESSAGE EXAMPLE #3: And who doesn’t like to at least think they have a great sense of adventure? It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile. Many online dating sites have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby or a common interest. So if you’re into skiing, you can send a "stock" message about a certain topic to any interesting women who mention it in their profiles. MESSAGE EXAMPLE #4: This was written by one of the dating experts at VIDA Select. Talk to a dating expert now! [https://qualify.vidaselect.com/] On a dating app like Tinder [/tinder-reviews/] or Bumble [/bumble-app-reviews/], you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any shared interests jump out. For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #5: You’ll save a ton of time once you have a “go-to” copy and paste message for any hobby that you’d like to share with your matches. (Skeptical? Here's why copy & paste is so effective! [/do-cut-paste-dating-messages-really-work/]) FIRST MESSAGE STRATEGY: INSPIRE A CRAVING Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious. Chocolate, cheesecake, ala mode… who wouldn’t want to keep reading? MESSAGE EXAMPLE #6: (Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match [/match-reviews/], OkCupid [/okcupid-guide/] or POF [/pof-review/]. You’re going to want to keep your messages shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble [/tinder-vs-bumble/].) Notice how it starts off with a light compliment. Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Don’t make the rookie mistake of praising her physical appearance, especially when you're trying to start a conversation with a girl online for the first time. Tons of guys do it, and she gets tons of messages with some variation of “you’re hot”. Paying her a more meaningful compliment rather than a physical compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, dating app Hinge [/hinge-app-review/] discovered girls are 40% more likely to reply to messages about food. Here’s a short, delicious sounding message that’s perfect for a dating app... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #7: This was written by one of the dating experts at VIDA Select. Talk to a dating expert now! [https://qualify.vidaselect.com/] FIRST MESSAGE STRATEGY: GET PERSONAL It’s basic human nature to love talking about yourself. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good [http://www.pnas.org/content/109/21/8038.full]. MESSAGE EXAMPLE #8: Ask her an open-ended question that gets her to share something about herself, and she’s instantly in her Happy Place. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number. The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #9: FIRST MESSAGE STRATEGY: SHOW OFF YOUR CREATIVE SIDE Most of your competition is sending her lame first messages like “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Hi, I’m John.” That’s great news for you, because it gives you the opportunity to shine by asking her an interesting, funny or creative question like this... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #10: And this... MESSAGE EXAMPLE #11: This was written by one of the dating experts at VIDA Select. Talk to a dating expert now! [https://qualify.vidaselect.com/] SO WHAT DO ALL THESE FIRST MESSAGES HAVE IN COMMON? They all accomplish 3 things: 1. They instantly pique her curiosity. If she doesn’t even want to keep reading, why would she bother responding, much less want to meet you in person? 2. They set you apart from the crowd. Remember, if she’s getting tons of messages from guys just like you. You’ve got to out-message them every time. 3. They ask her a question. You need to make it as easy as possible for her to respond, and guiding the conversation is a simple way to do it. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Miss one of them, and she’s moving on to the next person. BEST TIME TO SEND THE FIRST MESSAGE ON A DATING APP To increase your odds of getting a response to your message, send them at a time it’s likely to be convenient for her to answer. Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. Many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix. According to a study conducted by Nielsen, activity on both OkCupid and Tinder [/pof-vs-okcupid-vs-tinder/] peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the app is busiest [https://bumble-buzz.com/bumbletimes/] in the early evening during the week, and late afternoon on the weekends. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use. NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity [https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/monster-storm/love-storm-expect-blizzard-activity-dating-apps-n502096] on dating sites and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. During winter storm Juno, activity on Hinge [/hinge-app-review/] picked up by a whopping 47%, which led to a 56% spike in the number of phone numbers exchanged, and an incredible 96% increase in 2-way message exchanges. On OkCupid, a little rain translates to a 10% increase in activity on the site. On Match, activity typically increases around 33% during snowstorms, and big storms go hand in hand with a 20-40% increase in Bumble activity. NO RESPONSE TO YOUR FIRST MESSAGE? HERE’S WHAT TO DO NEXT! Of course, there’s no copy and paste perfect first message that’s guaranteed to start a conversation every time you send it. There are a ton of variables involved, like your photos [/profile-pic/] and your online dating profile [/best-tinder-profiles/]. If those aren’t top notch, our Ultimate Guide To Online Dating [/ultimate-guide-to-online-dating-for-guys/] has all the tools, tips and dating advice you need to bring them up to snuff. Other variables you can’t control, like what she’s doing when she’s reading your message. If she’s sneaking a peek at her Match messages in between meetings, she may not have a chance to respond and forget to come back to it later. So if f you don’t get a response, give her a second chance. Try a light-hearted follow up message like this one... SECOND MESSAGE EXAMPLE: This was written by one of the dating experts at VIDA Select. Talk to a dating expert now! [https://qualify.vidaselect.com/] But if she still doesn’t bite, move on. The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Besides, there’s plenty more interesting, attractive women out there so focus your efforts on them. WHY SAVVY GUYS USE COPY & PASTE MESSAGES Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: copy & paste messages. A few online dating “experts” will tell you they don’t work. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. They’re a huge turn off. Blah blah blah. Those guys clearly haven’t done their homework. HERE’S THE TRUTH IN A NUTSHELL. Statistically speaking [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-in-the-digital-age/201710/online-dating-101-three-reasons-you-aren-t-getting-replies], you’re looking at an uphill battle. Data shows that when men send an initial message, they have just a 29% chance of receiving a reply. In other words, 7 out of every 10 messages go unanswered. Looking at Tinder specifically, a study revealed that 57% of conversations on the app never make it past the initial message. In order words, over half of initial messages go unanswered. And yet another study revealed the average guy has to crank out 114 messages in order to be 99% sure of getting one reply - and spend around 6.7 hours a week [http://people.duke.edu/~dandan/webfiles/PapersUpside/People%20are%20experience%20Goods.pdf] doing it. So why would you spend tons of time scanning each and every woman’s profile, then writing a message customized just for her? That's crazy - you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game. There’s a much better way to beat those odds, and boost your response rate at the same time. Here at VIDA Select [https://www.vidaselect.com], we’ve been using the copy and paste approach since 2009. Not only do copy and paste messages work, but we get incredible results for our clients with them. Our in-house data doesn’t lie. Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and paste method as well. OkCupid’s Christian Rudder said using template messages not only saves you time in the short term, but they’re a more effective long-term strategy [http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/10/put-less-effort-into-your-online-dating-messages.html] as well. And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what? You’ve gotten a response that you can turn into a conversation. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora [https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-best-opening-line-youve-heard-on-Tinder] forum discussion: When your first message is interesting and creative, the odds are good she’s going to reply to it. Why? Because when you ask her a question that’s fun to think about and respond to, you’ve sparked an emotional connection. That’s the reason you’re not getting good results (if any) with first messages like “Hey” and “Hi there”. Where’s the fun in writing a response to that? And even worse, you’ve put the burden of continuing the conversation on her, so coming up with a response is work for her. The hotter she is, the more burdened with messages she gets, so she’ll only respond to the best messages in her inbox. Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull, assuming she's on a dating app just to hook up, or sounding just like every other guy who's messaged her that day. MEET MORE HIGH-QUALITY MATCHES - FAST! We’ve shared 11 first message examples that work brilliantly, but that’s only the beginning. You’ll be getting a ton of responses, which means you’ve got to keep the online dating conversation going and ask her out [/how-to-ask-a-girl-out-online/]. You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. Yup - there’s a reason so many guys complain that modern dating is exhausting [/why-online-dating-doesnt-work/]. You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates. With VIDA Select [/men/], it’s really that easy. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging. All you do is show up for the dates! Click here to find out more. [/men/]
