If you’re like most guys, online dating probably isn’t going quite like you hoped it would. The women you like best just don’t respond to your messages! All you’ve got to show for all your hard work is an empty inbox - or, at best, dates with women you’re not all that crazy about... You may even sense that your messages probably aren’t engaging or emotionally stimulating enough to spark her interest. You know attractive women on dating sites and apps get bombarded with interest from men, and it’s not easy to stand out. That’s why you’re here. So don’t delete Tinder and cancel your Match subscription just yet. It’s time to stop being boring and start being irresistible. When you know what you’re doing, you can make high-quality women excited to meet you. QUICK JUMP MENU * Why & How To Project An Alpha Male Persona * Identifying The Best Dating Sites and Apps For You * Photo Advice To Double Your Attractiveness * Creating a Compelling Profile She Can’t Resist * Crafting Messages That Get You Dates * How To Ask Her Out So She Says “Yes” No more scouring the Internet for dating advice that *actually* works. From profile writing to messaging to asking her out - we’ve got all the examples, tips, and tricks you need to meet beautiful women, right here at your fingertips. Tested across 30,000 daily messages: This single opening line is generating a 91% response rate from high-quality matches. Our clients are booking 3x more dates using just these 7 words. Steal it now (FREE download). ADOPT AN ALPHA MALE MINDSET Hugh Hefner had a mansion filled with models and actresses. Donald Trump is married to a supermodel. Neither of these men will ever be People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man of the Year.” And you’ve noticed ugly dudes walking around with hot girls on their arm. How do they attract women like that? If you think it’s only money, then you’re missing out on one of the most powerful “keys” to meeting women online. You need to think like an alpha male. Evolutionary psychology has provided mountains of data on why women choose the mates they do… and it all boils down to one thing: What man can give her babies the best chance of survival? Remember Darwin? Survival of the fittest is alive and well in the realm of online dating. David Buss, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas, has studied attraction over his 30-year career. He’s found that the “cost of sex [http://nobaproject.com/modules/evolutionary-theories-in-psychology]” is higher for women than men. Which is why girls focus less on just having sex, and instead spend time choosing the right mate. Dr. Buss identified several significant factors a woman considers when selecting her ideal man: 1. Physical attractiveness 2. Your social skills 3. Your resources 4. Loyalty and protectiveness This is why women often date guys 3-4 years older than themselves. It’s why women go for men with money, like actors and rock stars. It's also why they'll be attracted to "normal guys" just like you, who have a solid career. If you can convey alpha male traits in your dating profile and messages, you’ll be on the path to attracting the kind of women you want to meet. All it takes is the confidence and willingness to own the alpha male persona. Here’s how those significant factors Dr. Buss identified translate to an alpha male’s dating profile: HOW TO BE ATTRACTIVE, EVEN IF YOU'RE UGLY Luckily for most of us, physical attractiveness goes beyond just having smoldering good looks. That means you can attract hot women, even if you’re not Ryan Gosling’s stunt double. As they say in advertising, it’s all about the branding. Here’s an example - imagine you are an attractive woman (like the type you want to date) and you come across the Match.com profiles of two men who are about equally as attractive as one another. One is “PrinceCharming” and the other is “AheadOfThePack”. PrinceCharming’s headline is “Lonely guy looking for the one”, and his picture shows him relaxing on a pea green couch in his living room with a can of Coors Light in his hand. AheadOfThePack’s headline reads “You’d better pack your passport…”, and he’s standing at a rooftop bar with city lights stretching out below him, toasting the camera with a glass of champagne. Whose message do you think she’s going to return? When a women looks at your dating profile, she’s trying to get a sense of what it’s like to be around you. She may even begin to imagine what sharing a life with you would be like. So paint the picture of a life she would like to share. Show her you aren’t the average video game playing, cheap beer drinking, couch potato loser she wants to avoid. You are an exciting, interesting guy that can offer her the kind of lifestyle she has been dreaming about. That’s attractive, no matter what you look like. Tripp, the creator of the popular men’s dating blog TrippAdvice.com [http://trippadvice.com/], said being authentic is what gives “average” guys an edge with beautiful women on dating sites: “A unique profile stands out, so don’t just say you’re interested in “long walks on the beach” or other cliché, boring things like that. You need to mention the weird/different/unusual things that you’re into in your profile, because that will attract her attention. As far as pictures, make sure you have a variety. That works to your advantage, because a woman can you see in different lights: work, play, family, etc. It’s the uniqueness that gives you an edge in your profile.” SOCIAL SKILLS An alpha male is not afraid to be top dog. He wears his dominance with pride and hot women are drawn to that. But that doesn’t mean you brag about yourself non-stop in your profile - it’s more subtle than that. Instead of telling her, you show her. Tell stories that illustrate your alpha qualities in your profile. You’re ambitious, you work hard and you reap the rewards that come with it. That’s attractive, because it promises both stability and excitement. You can convey your alpha status in your photos, too. For instance, if you play basketball, make sure you choose a picture where you’re holding the ball. All eyes are on you, and the ball is literally in your court. Get the idea? You should ideally be the center of attention in any photo you use. If it’s a group photo, choose one where everyone is looking at you. Research shows that if you’re a guy, the most attractive group photo you could use is one where you’re surrounded by women all smiling at you. Channel your inner alpha in your messages, too. The take-charge alpha male that women want is the kind of guy who is comfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t apologize for being too short, too chubby, or too ugly. He wears his looks with pride and knows that it’s the whole package that sets him apart from the pack. They don’t make excuses or ask for approval, so they would never send a message like this: “I just have to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I know I’m not the kind of guy you said you are looking for, but I couldn’t pass you by.” An alpha male never questions whether he is worthy. He knows he is the prize. Dave M, an online dating expert from InsiderInternetDating.com [http://www.insiderinternetdating.com/], agrees: RESOURCES This one’s pretty obvious - she wants to know she’ll be taken care of. You’ve got the basics nailed - a job, a car, a roof over your head. This doesn’t mean bragging about the size of your bank account, even if you’re on MillionaireMatch. It’s more about describing your lifestyle in a way that sounds sexy. When you’re writing your profile, you want to show her that you have these resources. Describe trips you’ve taken, DIY projects you’ve done around the house, or what your favorite aspect of your job is. Mention how much you enjoy taking your dog on a hike. Pet ownership shows you’re responsible enough to take care of another living being. One word of advice to cat owners, though - a recent study [http://www.wired.com/2014/02/how-to-create-good-online-dating-profile/#slide-1] showed liking cats is attractive, but specifically mentioning “my cats” isn’t. So while you can mention that you’re a cat lover if you want, it's best to save all your Mr. Mittens stories for the first date. LOYALTY AND PROTECTIVENESS This is a little trickier to illustrate in your profile, because the last thing you want to do is write “I’m loyal”. Everyone says that, and she’s not going to believe it just because you wrote it. You want to show her, not tell her. Loyalty and protectiveness both go hand in hand with being family oriented, so mention Sunday dinners with your parents, or taking taking your nephew to the ball game. If you’ve got kids, use a funny parenting anecdote. (But don’t talk about your kids too much, she’s wanting to date you, not them.) Now that you know how to portray yourself as an alpha male online, it’s time to pick which sites you’re going to be one on. Bobby Rio from TSBMag [http://www.tsbmag.com/] says the biggest mistake guys make with their profiles is writing what they think women want to see: Instead of writing a profile that expresses his personality and gives a woman just enough tease to make her want to know more, these guys write paragraphs full of all the clichés they've heard over the years - what I call the “Nice Guy Traits”. She’s not interested in cliché, she wants to know what you’re all about. Another mistake is "telling" instead of showing. If you want to express your sense of humor, write something unexpected and funny within your actual profile. That’s way more effective than just saying "I have an amazing sense of humor." Additional Reading: * Top 4 Online Dating Mistakes Men Make [/online-dating-mistakes/] IDENTIFYING THE BEST DATING SITES AND APPS FOR YOU When it comes to online dating, the one thing you’re not lacking is options - there are quite literally thousands of dating sites and apps to choose from, with new ones popping up all the time. But your time is valuable, and the average person spends 11.9 hours a week [http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=31049] on dating sites. That’s way too much time to waste on sites that will never work for you. You need to narrow down your options, and focus your efforts where they’ll pay off the most. First off, assuming you’re not in a mega city like NYC or LA, it’s usually best to stick with mainstream dating sites and apps like Match.com and Tinder. The more popular the site, the bigger the user pool - which means more access to the high-quality women you want to meet. Here at VIDA, we’ve seen the best results on the these sites and apps: Overview “Seriousness” of UsersScore (1-10): http://www.match.com/cpx/en-us/landing/display/84123/?trackingid=525572&bannerid=656424&aff_aid=10591207&aff_pid=3674405&aff_sid= Match.com [/match-25] leads the pack in terms of sheer number of users. If you’re looking for the total package - brains and beauty - chances are you’ll find her on this site. And the monthly fee means the women are more serious about dating, which is good news for you. 8 https://bumble.com/ Bumble [https://bumble.com/] is a swipe-based app similar to Tinder with one notable exception - only women can initiate contact. So if you’re easy on the eyes and looking for a “meet-the-parents” kind of woman, Bumble is a must. The dating pool isn’t as large as you’ll find on Tinder, but the matches on Bumble are typically higher quality. 6 https://www.okcupid.com/ OkCupid [https://www.okcupid.com/] is more of a melting pot - you’ll find all different types of women from goths to hipsters to successful and career driven. It’s especially popular with the 18 to 34-year-old set, but you’ll find plenty of women of all ages. A basic account is free, but upgrading to a paid account is a minimal investment, and other features (i.e. advanced search options) make the cost worth it. 5 /coffee-meets-bagel-review-what-you-need-to-know/ CMB [https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/] is perfect if you value quality over quantity. Men receive 21 potential matches a day, and women receive a curated group of approximately 5 guys who have already said "Yes." 5 http://www.pof.com/ POF [http://www.pof.com/], or PlentyOfFish, is worth checking out for one reason - it’s the #1 free dating site out there so it has a ton of users. But you’ll be spending a lot more time screening profiles than you would on Match or OkCupid. You’ve heard the joke about “Plenty Of Fatties,” right? Yeah, it’s funny cuz it’s true. 3 https://www.gotinder.com/ Tinder [https://www.gotinder.com/] is the most popular dating app in the US, particularly with the early 20s crowd. So if you're a guy under 25, it's a must. While having good photos is important no matter what site or app you’re using, it’s even more crucial on swiping apps like Tinder that are primarily photo driven. 1 Additional Reading: * Expert Match Profile Tips [/how-to-write-a-match-profile/] * Expert POF Tips To Triple Your Response [/pof-profile-tips/] * 11 Best Tinder Hacks [/11-best-tinder-hacks/] If you insist on trying a niche dating site, be prepared for your search to take a little longer. Niche sites in general just don’t attract the sheer number of users that mainstream sites do, although it helps if you live in a major city like NY or LA. Here are a few that attract high-quality women, even if it is in smaller numbers: Overview “Seriousness” of Users Score (1-10): http://www.christianmingle.com/ A great option if you’re a marriage-minded Christian, or come from a Christian family. 10 /jdate1 A popular Jewish dating site. 8 /top-3-exclusive-dating-apps/ An exclusive app geared specifically for successful, intelligent people; users must pass a screening process to get in. 8 /millionairematch Definitely the best “exclusive” dating site out there, you’ll find gorgeous women looking for everything from weekend getaways to long term relationships. 7 /happn-app-review/ This app matches you with users you’ve crossed paths with during the day, so it’s best for those living in major cities. 5 /ultimate-jswipe-review/ Known as the “Jewish Tinder”, it’s one of the most popular apps for Jewish singles. 5 Although we’ve gotten good results for our clients on these 7 niche dating sites, it’s still best to use them in addition to one (or more) of the mainstream sites and apps. Additional Reading: * Do Niche Dating Sites Work? [/do-specialty-niche-dating-sites-work/] * The 10 Weirdest Dating Sites Ever [/the-10-weirdest-dating-sites-ever/] STEER CLEAR OF THE WRONG PLACES Some online dating sites are a huge time and money sink, with little to no payoff. Here are a few you should avoid: * eHarmony [/eharmony] * Chemistry [/chemistry1] * Zoosk [https://www.zoosk.com/] If you have to fill out a huge time-intensive questionnaire just to get started, move on. These sites match users based on their answers to an extensive series of questions, which isn’t terribly efficient. And who wants to sift through matches where your only search criteria are "name" and "city"? You don’t have time for that. Similarly, if you’re slowly drip-fed matches without the ability to freely search for women who meet your criteria, look elsewhere. But there’s an exception to every rule, and in this case it’s CoffeeMeetBagel [/coffee-meets-bagel-review-what-you-need-to-know/]. Yes, you only get a limited number of matches per day, but it’s usually a high quality group. As long as you’re using CMB in tandem with another app like Tinder, it’s worth trying. HOW CAN I TELL A GOOD SITE FROM A BAD ONE? You want the best results possible, as fast as you can get them. And you want to know before plunking down your credit card if a site is worth it, right? Here is how you find out if a site’s worth your money, in 7 easy steps: 1. 1. Create your account using only the basic, required information. Do not enter any payment information. 2. Find the Advanced Search. 3. Enter your search preferences, making sure to filter out users who have not been active on the site within the last 7 days or so. 4. Check out the total number of matches - remember, search only for users who meet your criteria that have logged in within the last week. 5. Take a look at the first 25 or 30 matches, and see what percentage of those women you like from their pictures. 6. Multiply this number by the total from step five. 7. If your calculations indicate a site has 75 or fewer matches, then it’s probably not worth using that site. Do this simple calculation for every site you’re thinking about trying, and you can easily narrow down your choices to your top 3 dating sites. WHAT ABOUT DATING APPS? To see if a dating app is worth your time, check out its ranking on AppAnnie.com [https://www.appannie.com/]. You can see where a particular app ranks in multiple categories, but pay close attention to the “Overall” one. The higher the ranking, the more popular the app. Popular apps are generally worth a try, so if it’s highly ranked give it a shot. If your app isn’t listed on the site, it’s probably not worth the download unless you’re in a major metro area like NYC or LA. And even then, going with an app that does rank is a stronger bet. Additional Reading: * The 4 Best Dating Sites For Professionals [/the-4-best-dating-sites-for-professionals/] * The 7 Best Dating Sites For Men Over 40 [/7-best-dating-sites-for-men-over-40/] * The 4 Best Free Online Dating Sites [/the-4-best-free-online-dating-sites/] * The 7 Best Dating Apps [/the-7-best-dating-apps/] * The 3 Best Sugar Daddy Dating Sites [/best-sugar-daddy-apps/] PHOTO ADVICE TO DOUBLE YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS No matter what dating site or app you’re on, choosing your strongest photos is essential. Think about it - when you’re swiping through Tinder, you swipe left if she doesn’t immediately catch your eye, right? Guess what - she does the same thing. To snag her attention, your photos need to stand out. In fact, they’re the most important element of your dating profile. If your photos suck, so do your chances of scoring a date with the attractive women you’d like to meet. Men’s dating expert David Wygant has a simple trick to catch her eye with your photos: “Include something that’s comical. Wear bunny ears. Put a rose in your mouth, Bachelor-style. Get someone on Fiverr.com to Photoshop you saving a puppy from a burning building. She’s swiping through a ton of pictures, and they all start to look the same. But if you can interrupt that pattern with something funny, you’ll grab her attention.” WHAT MAKES A GOOD ONLINE DATING PHOTO? Strong online dating photos have these three qualities in common: 1. They show you looking your very best. 2. They communicate the “right” message. 3. They’re consistent with your profile text. Let’s take a closer look at each one! 1) YOU LOOK YOUR VERY BEST This might seem obvious, but so many guys get it wrong. Attractive women have their pick of the men on pretty much any online dating site. And blurry, grainy, low-res photos where you’re getting your couch potato on won’t make the grade. You’re facing a lot of competition, so the bar is pretty high. Think of it this way - would you approach that blonde bombshell hanging out by the bar when you’re rocking yesterday’s stained t-shirt and jeans that smell like you just left the monkey house at the zoo? Of course not. And even if you did, you wouldn’t be at all surprised when you’re suddenly talking to her back. So why would you lead with terrible photos? Online dating photos require some thought and preparation - just like you’d shower and pick a nice outfit before heading to the club. When you look like someone she’d enjoy meeting, she’ll return your message or check out your profile. She wants to know more about you. On the other hand, she’ll look at bad photos and instantly DQ you, so the race is over before it even began. So if you’re lacking in the photo department, grab a buddy with a nice camera or a newer model cell phone, then check out these epic photo ideas. Don’t use flash when taking the pictures, though. An OkCupid study determined that a flash adds 7 years to your perceived age online. The harsh artificial light highlights your flaws and casts harsh shadows on your face, neither of which is attractive. Natural light is universally flattering, so taking pictures outside is a great idea. Shoot for the “Golden Hour” - those 60 minutes just after dawn or right before sunset when everything, including you, is bathed in warm golden light. You may even want to consider having some professional photos taken. A pro knows how to manipulate the lighting, suggest poses that look natural, and highlight your best qualities. But never use all pro shots – that looks like you’re trying too hard to impress her. Steer clear of those boring studio backgrounds - the trick is having pro shots that don’t look like you hired someone to take them. Have the photographer meet you at an interesting outdoor location, preferably several. Most pros will have a package that includes a few outfit changes as well. For more on this, grab a copy of our "Photogenic Man" PDF. It’s free. Chase Amante, dating expert and author of this definitive guide to meeting women on Plenty of Fish [http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-meet-tons-girls-plenty-fish], said professional photos can make a huge difference: “Men’s biggest mistake with photos is choosing any old photo and thinking they’ll float by with a decent profile and witty first message. Online dating is 90% looks, and looks are 100% photos. An ugly guy can clean up in online dating if he has great photos, while good looking and charming guys who may do great offline can send out hundreds of messages and hear nothing but crickets in response. Get professional photographs if you can afford them. If you can’t, hit up Craigslist and look for TFP (trade-for-photographs) or TFCD (trade-for-CD) gigs. These are gigs where aspiring photographers will shoot you for free if you’ll let them use your pictures in their portfolio. Get interesting photos that show you with a pet, outdoors, or showing off abs (if you have them).” 2) YOU COMMUNICATE THE “RIGHT” MESSAGE Let’s revisit alpha male theory for a moment. Remember, alpha males have power. They’re leaders. They’re in control. Choose pictures that subconsciously project your alpha male status, and she’ll be drawn to them. Here are a few examples: * * Be the leader of the hike, the one steering the canoe, catching the football, giving the toast, etc… * * If it’s a group shot, make sure you’re the center of attention. You should be interacting with your friends in a visually interesting way - posed group shots can be a turn off. In fact, data analysis [https://about.zoosk.com/en/blog/infographic/online-dating-trends-9-things-you-need-to-know/] shows they decrease message response by a whopping 42%. * * Stand with your body angled at a 45 degree angle to the camera. If you’re into martial arts, you’ll recognize this as a Warrior’s Stance - a position of power. The lure of the alpha male persona transcends looks, so even if you’re not going to grace the cover of GQ anytime soon, you can still be attractive in your photos. When a woman looks at your photos, she’s going to be imagining what it’s like to spend time with you. Give her a glimpse into your daily life - that’s what the majority of singles want to see in online dating photos. But be interesting - show her your hobbies, your travels, your dog, your active social life. Make sure you have a few taken outside, since photos taken outdoors get you 19% [http://time.com/3707157/online-dating-profiles/] more responses. Scot McKay, the professional dating coach and relationship expert behind X&Y Communications [http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/], said warmth wins every time when it comes to online dating photos: “Lots of guys are hesitant to convey a warm expression because they fear it's somehow not masculine. But if you consider the pattern seen among celebrity autograph photos - or even images of online customer service agents - it's almost always about warmth...along with confidence. Whether you're a celebrity, a customer service agent or someone on a dating site, the end goal of all these pictures is similar. You want to send the message that you're sharp and competent, yet easy-going and approachable. We've consistently seen that warmth wins every time.” 3) YOU REINFORCE YOUR PROFILE Your photos need to be consistent with the image you project in your profile. If your profile describes you as a daredevil who lives to challenge Mother Nature, but your photos show you reading a book at home, feeding pigeons on a park bench, and sitting on a dock dipping your feet in the water, she’s going to assume you’re being less than accurate in your profile. Congruency is essential to build her trust. If she feels like something’s “off” about your profile, she will hesitate to meet you in person. Kezia Noble, one of London’s top dating coaches [https://www.kezia-noble.com/], said photos that portray an active social lifestyle get the best response from women: “Women need to know the man expressing interest in her is not a lonely guy with no friends, who only has the glow of his iPhone to keep him warm at night. Include photos on your profile page that clearly demonstrate you are a sociable guy with lots going on in his life. Find a photo that was taken with your friends, or where you’re in some type of interesting social setting. Of course, your primary photo should only feature you. Women also love photos of men with animals. I know this is a major cliché, but it really does elicit a strong reaction in us. The photo could be with your pet dog or even a lion cub that you got the chance to handle. If you don't have a pet then borrow one.” CHOOSE A SELECTION OF PHOTOS SHE CAN'T RESIST Depending on the dating site or app, you’ll want to use anywhere from 3 to 7 pictures. With fewer than 3 it’s hard to capture all the facets of your personality, and using just one could torpedo your match rate. A recent Tinder study [http://arxiv.org/abs/1607.01952] showed guys with 3 photos in their profile got 6 times as many matches as those with a single photo. Marni Kinrys, a well-known men’s dating coach who runs WingGirlMethod.com [http://www.winggirlmethod.com/wing-girl-method-1-trick-to-get-any-womanmarnis-wing-girl-method/?trans=102034d782a5396d86641a31552c13&pub=9], confirmed that your photo lineup should give women a sneak preview of what dating you will be like: “Choose photos that paint a full picture of your life, and show her all the fun things she’s in for if she goes out with you. Include a picture of you in your element, preferably looking off camera and laughing. Then use a picture of you doing an interesting hobby - it will make you seem authentic. Next, a picture of you with your friends. Then 2 other pictures that you feel represent who you are as a man.” But it’s difficult to look equally attractive in more than 7 photos - and she’ll remember the worst one in the lineup. One bad photo can torpedo your chances: But the good news is weeding out the bad ones is easy. SECOND OPINIONS ARE YOUR FRIEND It’s hard to be unbiased about your own photos. The best way to know what appeals to a woman is to ask one. Several, actually. Having your photos ranked allows you to make a data-driven decision, and that’s always a good thing. Post your top contenders on a photo ranking site like PhotoFeeler.com, and pay attention to the feedback. Go with the most popular ones. The more opinions you get, the stronger your photo lineup will be. You can also ask your females friends to rank them for you from most favorite to least favorite. Again, the more rankings you get, the better. If you do this, you’ll give each picture a point based on its order in the ranking, with the first place pic getting 1 point, the next one 2 points, etc. Keep track of how many points each photo receives in the rankings. When you run out of friends to ask, tally up each photo’s points across all the rankings. Go with the ones that got the lowest number of points overall, and the photo that scored the lowest number takes primary spot honors. You can really let your inner geek go wild, and create a spreadsheet to track your data. Out of the photos listed in the example, your ideal lineup would be B, C, A and E. Of course, this ranking assumes that you're wearing a different outfit in each photo, and they were all taken in different locations. The “median” column gives you the most useful feedback, but for it to be meaningful you need 10+ women to rank the photos. It’s a lot of work for you, but here at VIDA we’ve got it down to a science, and we do it for all our clients [/our-process/]. Additional Reading: * Dating Photo Tips for Guys Who Want More Dates [/online-dating-photo-tips-for-guys/] * How To Improve Your Online Dating Photos [/profile-pic/] CREATING A COMPELLING PROFILE SHE CAN’T RESIST Next, you need a well-written, attention-grabbing profile to match your awesome photos. To some extent, the dating site or app will determine what your profile looks like. Profiles on apps are much shorter, often in the 100 to 500 character range. You’ve got relatively little space to make a big impression. Profiles on online dating sites like Match.com or OkCupid can be longer, although you’re not writing your autobiography. Most of the mainstream dating sites also have mobile versions, and she’s not going to read massive blocks of text on her phone. You want to use short, punchy sentences that are easily digestible. Think about how you browse profiles - you probably don’t read every word, right? You’re skimming them on your phone during meetings, or while you’re in the middle of a Netflix binge. She’s doing the same thing. If your profile doesn’t ju…
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