Mission accomplished on locking down her digits. Well done.
Ready to move beyond the cute pics and see what she’s actually like in person? If so, you’ve come to the right place.
You’re about to discover the 5 secrets to starting a text/SMS conversation with your online dating match, keeping it going with her, and most importantly – meeting her in person.
You’ll even get 17 highly-effective text message ideas you can try out today. Even if you happened to get her number the “old fashioned” way, don’t worry – these basic rules still apply to you.
We'll cover how to:
Let's get to it!
The Icebreaker: How & When To Start Texting A Girl
If you want to increase your odds of getting a response, you need to nail the timing. Timing is crucial when it comes to sending the first text – and getting it right requires a bit of finesse.
If you text her within minutes of getting her number, you look needy and clingy. But if you wait too long, you risk losing her interest.
Your Window Of Opportunity
Send the first text within 24 hours of getting her number. If you wait longer than 48 hours, your chance of getting a reply drops significantly. So stick to your policy on use of hard drugs: “Just don’t do it!”
If it’s a weekday and you’d like to get the message out earlier in the day, lunch hour is a good opportunity.
If you’re not feeling pressed for time, as late as 8pm or even 9pm is perfectly fine. But the ideal window is 5pm to 6pm. She’s on the way home from work or just settling into her place with the rest of the evening ahead of her to respond to you.
If you text her at an inconvenient time, she’s less likely to respond quickly, and you want her to respond relatively quickly. Momentum is important.
Set Yourself Apart
If she’s attractive, chances are you’re not the only new guy who has her number right now. That’s why your text needs to grab her attention and make you more interesting than the next. The best way to do that is to make her feel something.
Make her smile, make her curious, you can even tease her a bit. Just whatever you do, don’t make her bored by sending a snoozer like one of these:
- Hey, what’s up?
- How’s it going?
- So how was your weekend?
- What are you up to?
- Have any plans this week?
In her mind, a boring text = a boring guy. When you send her something uncreative like that, you’re taking an unnecessary risk by jeopardizing her interest.
Even if she does respond to your super boring message, the odds of scoring an actual date from a lackluster conversation are lower than they should be… aren’t they?
She’s already interested in you – she wouldn’t have shared her digits if she wasn’t. Just by not being boring or creepy, you’ve got a decent shot. But let’s maximize your chances now with a strong first text message.
How To Really Impress A Girl Over Text
Now that you know when to send your first message, let’s talk about what that message should actually say. When it comes to how to text girls for the first time, there are several approaches you can take:
- Introduce yourself
- Bring up a topic you mentioned on the app or site
- Win her over with humor
The more text conversations you start, the more comfortable you’ll get with the process. You’ll learn what style of texting works and doesn’t work for you, and you can use your most successful conversation starters again and again.
Introducing yourself in a creative way is a great way to start a text message conversation. Unless she added you to her contacts list when you first swapped numbers (not likely), she won’t have a clue who you are when your first text pops up on her phone.
Here is a flirty text message that really works:
Not only do you want to use your name, you want to use hers as well. Studies have shown using a woman’s name increases your response rate by 60% on dating apps, and it works well for text messages too:
Call Back Icebreakers
If you had an interesting conversation going on Tinder, you can simply keep it going by text. Not only does it make for a smooth transition, but it also means you don’t have to introduce yourself. That’s a point in your favor because it’s a subtle way to let her know you’re already memorable.
For instance, if you were debating the best local bands in Austin, you could use a message like this to start the text conversation:
Having a well developed sense of humor is sexy. If you make her smile with your text message (and she’s not laughing at you), a response is virtually guaranteed.
Here are some funny things you can text a girl:
(Swap in whatever dating app or site you exchanged numbers on.)
While sending this to the wrong woman could be risky business, it’s a strong message for some of the most attractive females between the ages of 18 to 25:
Keep The Text Conversation Going
Once you’ve sent her the first text message, she either responds or she doesn’t.
If she doesn’t respond to your text message…
Don’t worry – you’re not dead in the water yet.
She was into you enough to swap numbers, so there’s a decent chance that she was driving, working, or otherwise distracted. Often times, she just needs one more quick ping.
When you find yourself in this position, try sending her a second text 12 to 24 hours after your first.
The approach you take with your second message depends on how your online message exchange went.
If you felt the chemistry was good and she’s receptive to meeting you, cut right to the chase with a message like this:
If you’re not sure whether she’s at the “meet for drinks” stage quite yet, putting a smile on her face could jumpstart the conversation. Try something like the second message in this screenshot:
Here’s another message that works well when she doesn’t respond to the first:
If she doesn’t respond to your second text message either, that’s not a good sign. But if you’re really interested in her and don’t want to throw in the towel just yet, send a Hail Mary text like this:
Sometimes playing the friend card can disarm her, and “let me know” leaves the door open. But if that doesn’t work, move on.
The more unanswered texts you send, the more desperate you look, and 4+ texts with no reply could get you filed under “potential stalker.”
Focus your time and energy on getting digits from the next intriguing match who catches your eye.
If she does respond…
Congrats, you’ve cleared the second hurdle! Now all you have to do is keep the conversation flowing smoothly towards a date.
Thanks to Part 1, you now have a stash of “go-to” text conversation starters. But every subsequent message in the conversation will obviously depend on her response, so what you’ll say in your second text is impossible to predict.
That being said, here are some general texting Dos & Don'ts that will help you handle every text message exchange like a pro.
When texting a girl you like, do:
- Be interesting, and receive big bonus points for humor.
- Ask open-ended questions. A simple yes/no response doesn’t give you much material to build on, while open-ended questions encourage her to share more information with you.
- Use emojis. Emojis are a great substitute for all those visual cues like body language and facial expressions that a text conversation is missing because you’re not looking at each other.
- Respond too quickly. If you pounce on her text the instant she sends it, you give the impression you don’t have much going on in your life. Wait a bit, then respond.
- Turn texting into sexting. It’s a very tough thing to pull off in an attractive way. If you were good at it, you’d already know it. For now, just aim for setting up a date.
There’s an art to texting, and for most guys it takes some practice to get really good at it. Unless you have an expert dating assistant to do it all for you, you’ll probably have to experiment a bit to see what messaging style works best for you.
Through trial and error as you get more conversations under your belt, you’ll start noticing what works best for you. Once you find your nuggets of literary gold, you’ll love getting to use them again and again.
Part 3: Lock In The Date
You’re still in the “getting to know you” phase, and there’s only so much of that you can accomplish via text. You won’t know if sparks are going to fly until you’re face to face, and nothing sucks more than wasting a ton of time text messaging someone you end up having zero chemistry with.
That’s why your text conversation has one clear goal: get her to meet you in person.
She’s likely not interested in exchanging an endless number of texts any more than you are. So you want to ask her out before she loses interest in the conversation, but you’ve got to get the timing right.
If you’ve got a decent rhythm of messages going back and forth, she’s probably ready for you to suggest meeting up. If she’s dropping emojis, exclamation points, or “LOLs” on you, she’s down to meet very soon.
Go for the gold by sending a message like this:
This particular message works well because it starts off by making a statement she already agrees with – that you can’t predict chemistry until you’re face to face. When you put her in a “yes” mindset, it makes it even easier for her to say “yes” to a date.
You can also take the multiple-message approach by firing off a set of messages like these in rapid succession:
As in the first example, you’re paving the way by making a statement you know she’ll agree with – that talking is a better way to get to know someone than texting.
Here are some other examples you can use for inspiration:
Once you’ve established the basics, like when & where, that doesn’t mean you should go radio silent until the big event. Especially if it’s a week or more out. If you’ve got more than a few days before your date, a light-hearted message every two or three days is a good idea.
You could keep the lines of communication open with one of these:
As the day of your date approaches, it’s always a good idea to get a final confirmation via text. This helps make the plan more concrete in her mind and reduce the probability of her flaking.
If you originally asked her out for an evening date (i.e. grabbing drinks) within the last 2 or 3 days, send a text like this one the day of the date:
If you asked her out 3+ days ago, send a confirmation text like this 1 day before the date:
When you're confirming your date via text, don't *ask* her if you're still on. That seems insecure, and it also hands her an easy way to back out. Project confidence by assuming your date is still a go.
Now that you have all the tools you need on how to text a girl you met online & get her to meet you in person, check out these awesome first date conversation ideas. Your next mission is turning your first date into a second one!