You got her digits and put them in your phone… and now you’re drawing a blank. You’re not quite sure what to text a girl you like, much less how to keep a text conversation going strong until she’s ready to meet up. But you don’t want to blow it.
So much pressure… good thing you came to the right place. Today you’ll be getting expert advice on how to text a girl and make her excited to get with you in person.
For simplicity’s sake, we’re going to assume number came from a dating app or site like Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, or OkCupid. Most guys score the bulk of their digits and dates from sites, and online dating is what we know best here at VIDA.
With that said, the same logic and tips apply even if you met her at a club or in line at Starbucks. So keep those digits at the ready, because it’s time to get a successful text conversation started.
Step 1: Get The Timing Right
Once you’ve gotten her number online, you’ve got a fairly narrow window of opportunity to put it to use if you want to come out on top.
Text her too soon (i.e. within minutes of getting it), and you risk looking like a Stage 5 Clinger. Wait too long, and you risk her interest waning. The more attractive she is, the higher the odds she’s texting other intriguing prospects as well. You don’t want to get lost in the shuffle.
Ideally, you should send the first text message within 24 hours of receiving her number. Take longer than 48 hours and your chances of getting a reply plummet.
You also want to get the time of day right. Shoot for times when it’s easy for her to respond, like lunchtime, or in the early evening. Right around the time she should be getting home from work – like 5:30pm or 6pm, for example – is ideal. The easier it is for her to get into a back-and-forth exchange with you, the better.
Step 2. Grab Her Attention
It’s important that the first text you send makes her feel something. Make her curious, make her happy, tease her a little… just don’t bore her.
Many guys start with lame text openers like these:
- What’s up?
- How’s it going?
- How was your weekend?
- What are you doing?
- Do you have plans?
You’re probably guilty of sending a few snoozers like that yourself. Even if you’re lucky enough to get a response to such a boring question, the conversation probably won’t lead to a date. Because she’s more than likely mentally filed you under “Zzzzz”. And who wants to make plans with that?
She already likes you at least a little bit – you wouldn’t have her number if she didn’t. Your main goal with the text exchange is to avoid changing her mind about you, and ideally even building on the attraction you’ve already begun to inspire.
The first text is key, because it sets the tone for the entire exchange. Be confident. Be playful. Be alpha. If your first message sucks, the conversation will be non-existent. Basically, that initial text needs to be poppin.
There are several approaches you can take in your first text:
- The Basic Intro. This approach works in just about any situation, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Introduce yourself. But don’t be boring about it – you’re not the only fish in her sea. Be creative with something like this:
- The Callback. Referencing a topic from your dating app/site message exchange is an effective way to seamlessly transition from online to text. When your text is specific enough, there’s no need to remind her which app or site you met her on – and that’s a good thing. Here is an example:
- Bring The Funny. Studies show women are attracted to an awesome sense of humor, so get her smiling with a text like this:
As you get more comfortable starting text conversations, you’ll develop a sense of what works and what doesn’t. Save all your successful opening lines and use them again and again.
Step 3: Own The Conversation
Once you’ve hit “send”, there are two possible outcomes. She’ll reply, or she won’t.
If she didn’t reply…
Don’t give up. Maybe she was distracted. Maybe she’s at work. Maybe it got lost in the aether. There are thousands of reasons that could keep her from replying, and only one of them is she’s just not into you.
Wait for 12-24 hours. If you’re confident the two of you hit it off online, you could take the direct approach with your second message: “Let’s grab a drink after work this week. I just discovered the perfect spot – rooftop cocktails, great ambiance. Does Tuesday or Thursday work for you?”
If you’re not sure a date is in the cards yet, send another light-hearted opening text message like one of these:
Two unanswered text messages is usually a sign from above you need to throw in the towel. But if you really like the girl, your last ditch effort is to try and disarm her by playing the friend card:
But don’t keep going if that doesn’t do the trick, you risk sounding desperate. She doesn’t want to block yet another creeper on her phone, so don’t be that guy.
If she does reply…
Do your touchdown celebration, then focus. It’s on you to keep the convo going, so keep these pointers in mind for your next messages:
- Use yes/no questions sparingly. Her answers to open-ended questions give you more material to work with, and it will keep her more engaged in the message exchange.
- Wait a bit before responding. If you respond immediately, she’ll think you’re too available. You want to cultivate the image of an in-demand guy with a rich, full life. Not a guy who’s anxiously checking his phone every few minutes.
- Be consistent with your dating app/site style. She’s already formed a basic impression of you based on the messages you exchanged online. If you deviate too far from that image, she’ll start to feel like something’s a little “off”. Congruency is reassuring – and that’s how you build trust.
Your response will obviously depend on what she says, but a basic formula to follow is this:
- Acknowledge what she said
- Ask her another question
She didn’t give up her digits because she wants a new texting buddy. She’s auditioning you. If she likes what she’s reading, she’ll say yes to a date.
And locking in the date is an art in and of itself, and that’s why asking her out gets its very own article. Click here for part two: How to ask a girl out so she says yes.