đĄ Key Insights: * Selfie-heavy profiles create negative impressionsâresearch shows people with selfie-dominated social media are perceived as less successful, more insecure, and less likeable * 31% of people automatically swipe left on heavily filtered photos, with 70% finding them deceptive and 25% perceiving them as signs of insecurity * A diverse photo lineup showcasing hobbies, travel, and lifestyle provides conversation starters and makes messaging easier for interested men * Expressing frustration or cynicism about dating in your profile creates a negative first impression despite 67% of singles reporting dissatisfaction with their dating lives * The ideal profile content ratio is 70% about you and 30% about what you're seeking in a partner * One-dimensional profiles focusing exclusively on a single aspect of your life (children, fitness, etc.) limit your appeal and conversation opportunities * Listing must-haves and deal-breakers appears demanding and unapproachableâuse filters instead to screen for specific preferences * Playing too hard to get backfires in early messaging stages when investment is still minimalâover half of men report not receiving enough messages * Being willing to initiate conversation, maintain engaging dialogue, and eventually move off-app demonstrates genuine interest * Specific, unique interests in your profile create more connection opportunities than generic statements like "I love to travel" Getting plenty of messages on dating apps but none from men you actually want to meet? When Hinge [/hinge-guide/], Bumble [/bumble-guide/], and Tinder [/tinder-guide/] fail to connect you with relationship-worthy matches, the problem might not be with the platforms themselves but with how you're presenting yourself. Our dating experts have identified five critical mistakes women commonly make that significantly reduce their chances of attracting quality men online. Don't worry - these errors are surprisingly easy to fix once you recognize them. ONLINE DATING MISTAKE #1: FALLING INTO THE SELFIE TRAP Selfies go hand in hand with social media. They are such an integral part of our culture now thereâs even a dedicated term [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-017-9844-x] for the compulsion to whip out your phone and snap one: Selfies are fine for Instagram, Facebook, and the like. But if your dating profiles frequently feature an all-selfie lineup, youâre likely making it harder to meet quality guys. Here are 3 reasons why too many selfies can be an act of self-sabotage on dating apps: #1: A CONSTANT STREAM OF SELFIES EVOKES NEGATIVE FEELINGS IN THE VIEWER. According to a research study [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656619300674], people whose Instagram feeds featured a lot of selfies were almost uniformly perceived as: * Less successful * More insecure * Less likeable * Less open to new experiences and The perceptions of people who shared photos of themselves taken by someone else were just the opposite - the viewerâs feelings were positive. While that study used Instagram, the findings are likely just as applicable to dating apps. As the studyâs lead author observed [https://news.wsu.edu/2019/08/20/selfie-versus-posie/], > It shows there are certain visual cues, independent of context, that elicit either a positive or negative response on social media. #2: YOU SEEM ONE-DIMENSIONAL. Variety is the key to an engaging photo lineup. To attract a quality guy whoâs interested in more than just your appearance, you need to give him more than just your appearance to go on. Give him a glimpse of your personality, hobbies, social circle, and real-life habitats. Whatever makes you unique also makes you memorable and authentic. Speaking of authenticity⊠If any of your selfies are heavily edited, whether itâs giving yourself flawless, cartoonishly perfect skin with an app like Facetune or youâre surrounded by a cloud of sparkles and rocking cat ears, thatâs a mistake. 31% of people automatically swipe left [https://www.digitalcameraworld.com/news/34-of-online-daters-swipe-left-if-you-have-poor-quality-photos] on obviously filtered dating pics, and 70% of singles who responded to Plenty Of Fishâs âPressure Pointsâ study found them deceptive. A quarter of them thought they make you seem insecure and superficial too. Those are three words likely to chase high-quality men away, so why risk it? #3: IT MAKES MESSAGING HARDER.  Thereâs a reason guys seem to either not send a message at all, or default to lame openers like âheyâ or âhow are you?â Itâs hard to know what to say, especially when thereâs no inspiration to be found in your pics and you left your bio blank. Profile photos showcasing a hobby, a trip, or your adorable dog make it easy for men to message you. All they have to do is ask a question about whatâs in the pic, and the conversation is up and running. This is especially important on apps like Hinge [/hinge-app-review/] that let users comment on specific profile content. If you expect the guy to do all the âchasingâ, having an all selfie lineup is a big missed opportunity. Want to make your photo lineup look even better? Check out these 7 secrets for a prettier profile pic [/profile-pic-for-women/]! ONLINE DATING MISTAKE #2: TAKING THE âIâM SO OVER THISâ APPROACH Almost half of singles surveyed [https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/] think itâs harder to date now than it was 10 years ago, and thatâs despite dating apps helping you make connections. And 67% of people [https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/] said theyâre not happy with the state of their dating lives. So if you think dating is frustrating, youâre not alone. But keep those frustrations out of your dating profile. Cynicism, bitterness, annoyance - those negative emotions can derail a positive first impression. If heâs on a dating app geared toward finding a serious relationship [/best-dating-apps/], odds are heâll eventually check out your bio even if he swipes right initially just based on your pics. Why risk poisoning a positive first impression? Even if youâve had it *up to here* with dating apps, presenting yourself as a positive, happy, fun person to be around is a much more effective strategy than coming off like someone who's angry and bitter about being single. To attract high-quality men, let him know you bring just as much to the table as you expect him to. As for what to say in your dating profile, Include a few hobbies, what you do for a living, things you enjoy doing with friends. Just enough tidbits to give him an intriguing glimpse of your life. This short dating profile for women hits all the right notes: There are many other ways women inadvertently communicate theyâre not feeling the whole dating thing. Here are 3 common online dating errors women should avoid making in their profiles: #1: USING COOKIE-CUTTER QUOTES INSTEAD OF A PHOTO. Even if it has a deeper meaning for you, it likely wonât resonate with him. And if it hints at past relationship drama, it has no place in your profile. Save the visual fluff for your Facebook and Insta. Thatâs not to say you canât effectively incorporate a positive quote into your bio. You just need to use it in a way that makes it relevant to you. In other words, make sure itâs highlighting an aspect of your personality or lifestyle. Like this: #2: REDIRECTING A MATCH TO AN INSTAGRAM OR SNAPCHAT ACCOUNT. This gives the impression youâre just on the app to boost your following, not actually meet someone. And besides, if youâre not putting the effort into this profile, why would they put the effort into searching for your other profiles on social media? #3: NOT FILLING OUT YOUR BIO AT ALL. Sure, guys are all about the pics. But youâre not trying to attract just any guy - you want to find your perfect match. Taking the âlazyâ approach to your profile says a lot about how seriously you take online dating. Even a super short profile, when done right, can make a big impact: ONLINE DATING MISTAKE #3: HAVING A ONE-DIMENSIONAL PROFILE You learned about the drawbacks of having a one-dimensional photo lineup. But a one-note profile can also make relationship-worthy guys think twice about messaging you. For example, if youâve got kids you likely consider them the most important thing in your life. And while you should mention them in some way, whether itâs in your bio or in your âstatsâ, donât make them the sole focus of your profile. For starters, heâs going to date you - not them. Lead with what makes you a great catch and everything else will follow. Being well-rounded and multi-dimensional is far more interesting than focusing on just one facet of your life, whether itâs your kids, what you do at the gym, your zodiac sign, or your Myers Briggs result. It also gives you more ways to spark a mutual interest with potential matches. Aim for a mix of physical activities, hobbies, social life examples, food, travel, career - whatever applies to you. But donât just list a bunch of personality traits and broad interests. LISTS TEND TO BE BORING... Especially if youâre not being specific about what you like or giving an example that demonstrates how you embody a particular personality trait. Research shows sharing unique interests often leads to more online dating success [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324453190_Sharing_Rare_Attitudes_Attracts]. Name a few places youâve been (or anything on your bucket list). Have you trekked Machu Picchu? Explored every US state? Want to visit that Australian island full of adorable quokka creatures? Details like those help set you apart from those who âlove to explore new placesâ or even worse - âlove travelâ. 41% of men think itâs difficult to find people who share their hobbies and interests [https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/] on dating apps. Mentioning some of yours increases your odds of finding common ground with compatible men - plus itâs a built in conversation starter! And speaking of lists that turn guys off⊠ONLINE DATING MISTAKE #4: PRESENTING YOUR LIST OF DEMANDS Itâs fine to have a type - almost everyone does. But if your entire bio consists of requirements a guy must have to date you, you may be chasing away perfect match candidates. A positive approach is almost always more attractive than a negative one. So for starters, describe what you do like in a guy, not what you donât: A laundry list of âmust havesâ is basically a no-win scenario. Youâre disqualifying guys you wouldnât want to date, but the catalog approach is probably turning off guys you would want to date too. Statements like these can give the impression youâre unapproachable, unfriendly, and high-maintenance: * âDonât talk to me if youâre under 6â.â * âI wonât date Virgos.â * âMust make me laugh and make x amount of money.â Those are all examples of what not to say on a dating site. You can use the dating app or siteâs filters to accomplish a lot of the screening for you, so thereâs no need to mention youâre not attracted to short guys, etc. Rather than focusing on the deal breakers, tailor your bio to attract the kind of man you want a relationship with. Researchers have found the most attractive ratio [https://ebm.bmj.com/content/20/2/48.full#ref-26] of you vs him in a dating profile is 70:30. Start with what youâre like, end with a description of what youâd like him to be like, and watch those quality matches roll in. ONLINE DATING MISTAKE #5: PLAYING TOO HARD TO GET A little bit of mystique is good. But you need to balance the âchaseâ with keeping him interested [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236738208_When_Does_Playing_Hard_to_Get_Increase_Romantic_Attraction]. As researchers discovered, it can backfire if the other person isnât committed or invested in you (yet).  Keep in mind all you have are profiles, photos and messages at first. Youâre just starting to build up interest, commitment and investment - so the foundation is fragile. And if he seems like a great catch, heâs likely messaging other women at the same time, just like youâre messaging probably messaging other guys. Youâre both comparing your interactions with each other to the interactions youâre having with other matches. So if youâre *all* about the chase, he may lose interest if heâs not getting much from you in response to his messages. If you want to get - and keep - the attention of a guy you like online, do these 3 things: #1: SEND THE FIRST MESSAGE. Over half of men on dating apps [https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/] feel like they donât get enough messages, so if youâre interested, why wait? This is a cute, flirty first message you can send to any guy you like on a dating app: If you donât get a reply after a day or two, follow it up with a message that gives the conversation a clear direction, like this: #2: HOLD UP YOUR END OF THE CONVERSATION. Super short, one word replies will likely give him the impression youâre not that interested. Treat the message exchange the same way youâd approach a conversation at a party - give a detail or two about yourself, then invite him to share something about himself by asking a question. #3: BE WILLING TO MOVE THINGS OFF THE APP. Endless message exchanges that donât seem to lead anywhere are just as frustrating for him as they are for you. If heâs someone youâre interested in getting to know better, suggest a video chat [/video-chat-tips-for-dating/] or face-to-face date in a setting youâre comfortable with. WANT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE ONLINE DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE... And start meeting the right kind of guys, right now? Let VIDA Selectâs team of dating experts [/women/] help! From crafting a profile designed to attract high-quality matches to handling all the back and forth messaging with a curated selection of men who all have relationship potential, VIDA does it all for you. No more endless swiping, no more messages you wish you could unsee. VIDA Select removes all the hassles of modern dating, so you can just focus on finally meeting men who check all your boxes. Find out how it works here! [/women/]
