If you find yourself scouring the POF Forums for online dating advice, it probably means you aren’t happy with the response you’re getting to your POF profile.
Whether you’re disappointed with the quality of women you’re meeting, or attractive women simply aren’t returning your messages, the good news is you can fix it.
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But there’s only one problem. Most of the people posting on the POF forums are guys exactly like you and, odds are, they aren’t getting many more responses than you are either. After all, it’s easy to pretend you’re an expert on the Internet, right?
That’s not to say you can’t occasionally find good advice in the POF Forums. There are a few gems here and there like this that you can actually put to good use:
But those pearls of wisdom tend to buried in a pile of muck. Don’t waste your time reading ramblings from Captain Obvious, rants from POF trolls, or tips that are just plain wrong:
For the record, there’s nothing more boring than reading a list of adjectives in a profile, and she’s not going to believe it unless you give her some proof. More on how to do that in Tip #4.
No, if you really want expert dating advice that works, then you need to get it straight from a real online dating expert. Here at VIDA, our professional writers have crafted hundreds of online dating profiles and sent thousands of messages for guys just like you, and we track the performance of everything.
We’ve been doing it since 2009, so we know exactly what works and what doesn’t work to attract beautiful women – and we’re going to share some of that wisdom with you right now.
Here are our top 7 profile and messages tips you won’t learn in the POF Forums:
1. Make Your Username More Attractive With Science
Believe it or not, there’s a ton of data out there on what makes some online dating usernames better than others. For instance, researchers have found that the best usernames for men start with letters in the first half of the alphabet because names that start with A-M are associated with higher levels of overall success.
Other studies have shown women are attracted to usernames that make you seem intelligent and cultured, or imply a fun-loving personality. And if you can combine “intelligent” with “funny” – you’re golden, since women are biologically hard-wired to find a sense of humor hot.
Since you’re probably too busy to read a bunch of data-filled abstracts, here’s the basic rules for creating an attractive username:
It’s much easier to just quickly come up with some lame old username, but remember – it shows up all over POF. In her search results, on your profile, and most importantly, in her inbox. When you send her a message, she can’t miss it. If your username intrigues her, like “Dangerous_Recipe,” “FarBeyondDriven” or “iJuggleFire”, she’ll be much more likely to read your message.
But if your username makes you seem sad, lonely, desperate, or unappealing, you’ve torpedoed your chance of getting a response. Sorry, “BSMan007”… you’re in for another lonely Friday night.
2. The Right Headline Makes A Huge Difference
On POF, headlines are almost as prominent as your photos. It may be short, but that doesn’t make it irrelevant. A good one inspires her to keep reading, and a bad one will have her moving on in a heartbeat.
Most guys on POF don’t put too much effort into their headline:
Think about what kind of message a headline like “I’ll come back to this” or “???” sends. She’ll assume you’re uncreative and lazy. And just like that, you’ve undermined your entire profile.
An effective headline will make her stop and think for a moment, which has the added bonus of increasing the amount of time she’s exposed to your photo. Data shows the longer she looks at your photo, the higher the chances she’ll like you.
There are three types of headlines that work best: the intriguing one, the adventurous one, and the funny one. Here is an example of each:
- “Adventure wanted… Inquire within.”
- “Jedi powers limited to summoning Ubers.”
- “Well, I’ll never do THAT again…” (just make sure to follow this one up with a great story in your profile)
You want something short and sweet that makes her want to know you better. Pick a sentence that implies there’s more to the story or shows her you will be a fun guy to talk to. Studies have shown women are more attracted to language that’s simple and easy to read, so keep that in mind when writing your headline.
For more on this topic, check out this article for 15 of the best POF headlines we’ve ever seen.
3. Have Darwin Help Choose Your Photos
You already know what natural selection is – survival of the fittest, alpha males have their pick of mates, etc, etc. But have you considered bringing Darwin along for the photo selection process?
By using photos that display characteristics that she’s biologically programmed to find attractive, you’ve got a leg up on your competition, even if you don’t look like Brad Pitt.
Here are a few examples:
- Power Postures – Researchers have found that “displays of expansive postures” are attractive – so choose photos where you’re taking up as much of the frame as possible.
- Center of Attention – If you use a group shot, make sure you’re the center of attention. Women perceive a man as more attractive when they see other women smiling at him, and being in the middle of the photo makes you seem more important and desirable.
- Instant Connection – Studies show that tilting your head slightly enhances attractiveness, and so does a genuine smile that reaches your eyes – she thinks those little crinkles are irresistible.
For everything you need to know about choosing the strongest online dating photos, click here.
4. Use This 100% Fool-Proof Profile Writing Formula
For most guys, writing about yourself is a struggle. And it’s even harder when so much is riding on the final product. It can be tempting to skip the “About Me” section of POF, or dash off a one-liner like “Message me if you want to know more”.
But remember what we just said about the dangers of writing a half-assed headline? Ya, that applies to your profile, too. POF is filled with guys whose profiles look like this:
Do you think an attractive, intelligent woman (you know, the kind you want to date) is actually going to ask this guy anything? Of course not. She’s got spambots messaging her with more personality than this profile shows.
Your profile needs to catch her attention, intrigue her, and leave her wanting to know more about you. But don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it sounds. Check out these examples of 8 Irresistible Dating Profiles For Men for inspiration, then use this formula to write a magnetically attractive profile of your own:
But even with a detailed roadmap, writing a killer profile can be difficult. You need to know about the 70:30 ratio, since research has shown profiles that are 70% about you, 30% about what you’re looking are perceived as the most attractive to women.
Then you’ve got to remember the “Show, Don’t Tell” rule, which is exactly what it sounds like. Use stories that illustrate your most attractive qualities, don’t just tell her you have them. But you can’t brag about yourself too much, because that’s been proven to be a major turn off.
Studies have shown the key to turning her on is being selective about what information you present, while providing evidence that shows you’re telling the truth. For instance, don’t write that you’re an incredible landscape photographer, because that sounds arrogant. Instead, briefly describe your last photo trip, then drop in a link to your online portfolio. It’s more credible (and attractive), when you let other sources do the bragging for you.
That’s a lot to keep straight, but putting in the effort in pays off in dates with gorgeous women. If you really want to nail your online dating profile, consider hiring a professional writer to create one that’s 100% customized to you.
5. Copy & Paste Messages Work, But There’s A Catch
There’s no doubt that copy and paste messages work. They’ve years gotten awesome results for our clients in record time for years here at VIDA. And if you need even more proof, you can read what OkCupid’s CEO thinks about them here. (Spoiler alert: he says that in the long run, copy/paste messages always win).
There’s only one problem… POF doesn’t seem to love them as much as we do. If you send too many identical messages in a row, you run the chance of getting your POF account shut down.
The solution? It’s simple – just change a word or two in every message. You’ll fly under the radar, and it’s still so much easier than writing tons of personalized messages.
Here’s an example icebreaker you can easily tweak, and we’ve got plenty more POF opening lines that really work in this article:
6. Take Advantage Of The Advanced Search Features
Now that you have some go-to icebreakers in your arsenal, you need to find some attractive women to send it to. The search filters on POF are one of the most comprehensive of any dating site, and the best part is you don’t have to upgrade to use the advanced search filters.
No matter what your search criteria look like, sorting by “last visit” is crucial. You don’t want to waste your time messaging women who haven’t been active on the site. Ideally you’ll only message women who accessed their POF account within the last two days or so.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship and have some deal breakers when it comes to your ideal woman, the advanced search can save you a ton of time. You’ll find filters for everything from education and religion to body type and whether or not they have children.
Just don’t fall into the trap of trying to order up your dream woman down to the smallest detail. Your heart might desire a 5’8” blonde-haired, blue-eyed Capricorn who is in her upper 20s and has an MBA, but that doesn’t mean you should narrow the playing field down to just a few women. After all, online dating is a numbers game no matter how you play it, and open-mindedness tends to pay off… Besides, sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what you want before you see and experience it in person.
7. Don’t Let The Spark Go Out
Successfully converting a match to a date is all about the timing. When you’re messaging on an online dating site, the pace is a little slower than it is on a dating app like Tinder or Bumble. It’s not unusual for her to take a day or so to respond to your message, and you can do the same from time to time.
The goal is to keep the conversation moving, and to do that you need to ask her a question in every message you send. Posing a question keeps you in control of the conversation, and makes it easy for her to respond.
As the conversation progresses, watch for signs that she’s into you:
- She’s actively contributing to the conversation, not just answering your question in a few short words.
- She’s using expressive punctuation, i.e. “!” and “;-)”. Those exclamation points and smileys are a sign she’s into you.
- She asks you questions in return. That means she’s curious about you, and wants to learn more.
She’s not on POF looking for a penpal. You need to ask her out before she gets bored and starts looking for a guy with more initiative. Here at VIDA, we’ve analyzed thousands of conversations that led to dates for our clients.
Our data shows the optimal time to ask her out on POF is after she’s sent you between 2 and 4 messages. Your instincts should tell you when she’s getting eager to meet – if you’re not seeing any of the above signs yet, then you need to keep building attraction with a few more messages.
This article will give you everything you need to know about asking a girl out online, but here’s how to do it in a nutshell:
- Suggest two options (at least one of which does not involve alcohol). Only suggesting drinks slashes the acceptance rate in half.
- Keep it light and casual – it’s easier to say yes to a 30-minute cup of coffee or happy hour cocktail than a 3-hour dinner or movie.
- Include a statement that you know she’ll agree with, like “I’ve found talking in person is a much better way to get to know someone”. If she’s already agreeing with you, you’re that much closer to another “yes”.
Here’s an example that really works:
Thanks to these 7 profile and message tips that you won’t find in the POF Forums, you’re prepared to make the most of your POF profile. But screening all those matches and messaging back and forth takes a lot of time and effort.